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Question
Posted by: Connie | 2010-04-28

My world is coming down on me

This is a long one

Everything was going alright since the day my boyfriend introduced me, this man has two kidz from the previous marriage, which I only found out about 4 years later in our relationship. I adjusted into the idea of him having kids and I spent a lot of time with them, until their mother told me to leave her kidz alone and make my own, so we didn’ t have contact for about two years and the court also decided that she should raise her own children. Now I have my daughter and have moved in with my bf, they come unannounced for weekends and all our planning must be postponed and bf also changes whenever they are around, we fight a lot for the pettiest things ever. On two occasions I kicked them out because they didn’ t inform anyone that they were coming to visit and their farther was away on business for a month and their mother is always swearing at me and sometimes asking for money from bf (he pays about R2000 maintenance every month).

I invited everyone including my bf’ s kidz to come to my daughter’ s birthday party on Saturday, but my bf’ s mother didn’ t even bother phoning me for cancellation/apology even today, my bf contributed nothing towards the party and he was not even there, his kidz were also not present. My nanny who lives next to my bf’ s place came and told me that she was swearing at me the whole of Sunday and she prays that her son nevert marry me and he will never marry, I am so deeply hurt because I don’ t know what I did wrong and I feel like I should just give up on this relationship.

I feel like my bf and his mother are in this together. I am planning to change my daughter’ s surname into mine. It doesn’ t look like we are going to get married anytime soon and to be honest I don’ t want to marry him no more, I fell like everything has changed and this is beyond repair.

I feel that my world is coming down on me and i am just so schocked to see that people can change so much

Please advise… .

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There's no reason at all why the kids should just arrive without warning or planning - that sounds like neglectful parenting by the mother. She needs to be reminded that she is not entitled to any more money than the maintenance decided by the court.
Sounds like the guy is ambivalent about marrying you or even about his committment to his relationshiop with you, or, perhaps worse, with his child with you.
Maybe he hasn't actually changed at all - he's just stopped hiding so efficiently as he did before

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Connie | 2010-04-28

Thanx CS

I have also realised that he will never marry me and i have accepted that i should just get my things together and move out. I wouldnt mind being a single parent, since i am already one.

I guess all things must come to an end.....

Reply to Connie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-04-28

There's no reason at all why the kids should just arrive without warning or planning - that sounds like neglectful parenting by the mother. She needs to be reminded that she is not entitled to any more money than the maintenance decided by the court.
Sounds like the guy is ambivalent about marrying you or even about his committment to his relationshiop with you, or, perhaps worse, with his child with you.
Maybe he hasn't actually changed at all - he's just stopped hiding so efficiently as he did before

Reply to cybershrink

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