Our expert says:
Divorce support expert
Hi Concerned Mom,
and thanks Rob for your answer. You've mentioned some important points.
It often happens that when a child grows up, the father shows more interest as he may think there is less parenting to be done and he can just become good friends.
No matter the circumstances, it's important to allow a relationship to develop.
Both parents are important in a child's life, even if the roles are different.
It's obvious that your son feels loyal to you and loves you very much but he should be given a chance to bond with his father too without being torn by his newly found relationship.
I would suggest first to talk with his father and engage on the confusion it's causing your son.
It is important that his wellbeing becomes and be a priority for the both of you and to work out how both your intentions towards your son be to his benefit. Clarify that neither of you is fighting for your son's attention but that you are both wanting to provide what is best for him.
At 14 your son is old enough to understand the situation. Clarify the situation with him. Be honest without acting as he is your confident. I would explain that the changes have of course disrupted the "routine" of your life together with him but changes don't need to be negative. Allow yourself to express that you were yourself put of balance by his father newly forwarded involvement but realise that it's a good thing that his dad expresses interest in being in his life, however the terms can be determined by your son.
I'm guessing you may worry that he may choose to live with his dad and leave you after all the time you cared for him. From what you write, I doubt your son would leave you but allowing week ends, holidays or random days may be good for everyone and give you a much needed break and some time for yourself.
Changes are hard and allow yourselves time to see what will work best for all of you. Rigidity has never been a winner. You can all grow from this and offer your son the joy of having both his parents actively present in his life.
All the best
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