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Posted by: Samantha | 2010-03-15

My son and I not seeing eye to eye anymore......

My son of almost 9 years and I just don''t see eye to eye anymore. My heart is broken, I have lost my will to try and I feel like such a failure. He does not respect me, undermines everything I ask of him and totally try my patience to the utmost. The one moment he is loving and cuddling, the next moment he ignores me. I can''t stand it anymore. I am near breaking point and all I do is just cry. This morning when he started doing it again, I just ignored his actions and him and drove in total silence to school. There he left the car doors open and when I asked him to please close them, the slammed them close leaving quite a few scratchmarks. He then went off entering the school yard and before the other parents and children, he stuck out his tonque at me. I nearly fainted in embarressment and then I drove off and just could not stop crying. It''s feels like I am loosing the one person that I love most in life and that there ain''t a damn thing I can do about it. ?????????

He''s father''s second girlfriend with two much younger children moved in with him two weekends ago and I don''t know if this is affecting him. Two years ago, his father did the same with his previous fiance who had children older than my son. I don''t want to put some/all the blame on the " NOW"  girlfriend moving in, but it must have something to do with it.

I don''t know which way to go anymore........I''ve had enough and I feel like I am loosing myself in the process too. Things just don''t seem worth it anymore, it just doensn''t.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Lets see what other parents suggest and comment here.
You're not losing him at all, though it obviously feels like it. At different ages, normal kids tend to become challenging, and explore their independence, discovering the awesome power they gain by saying "NO". And they exercise this exploration against whoever is the caretaker / authority figure in their lives - maybe more so against someone like you who they know to be good and loving and therefore basically safe to rebel against.
Its very likely that the events with his father and the new gf and new kids is highly relevant, and he now has more competition there for attention with the younger kids probably getting more of what he may feel is his fair share of adult attention. Being naughty and oppositional gets attention pretty reliably.
Consider seeing a personal counsellor to help you feel calmer and more confident and you will be able to ride this out.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-03-15

Lets see what other parents suggest and comment here.
You're not losing him at all, though it obviously feels like it. At different ages, normal kids tend to become challenging, and explore their independence, discovering the awesome power they gain by saying "NO". And they exercise this exploration against whoever is the caretaker / authority figure in their lives - maybe more so against someone like you who they know to be good and loving and therefore basically safe to rebel against.
Its very likely that the events with his father and the new gf and new kids is highly relevant, and he now has more competition there for attention with the younger kids probably getting more of what he may feel is his fair share of adult attention. Being naughty and oppositional gets attention pretty reliably.
Consider seeing a personal counsellor to help you feel calmer and more confident and you will be able to ride this out.

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