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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011/03/16

My sister hates me(Apologies for long post)

It even sounds weird typing this but my older sister hates me. My other sisters and I even joke because they say that they wish they were me and that she could hate them as well. The sad part is that she doesnt only hate me but she hates my child as well. She has never even bought anything for my child and when I ask why she tells me that she doesnt know what size clothes my daughter wears, but yet when I visit them I tell buy for her kids even though it may be a size to big.

We are two years apart and she has gotten the same opportunities as me, more if I really think about it. She fell pregnant when she was 17 and in matric. First year of matric she failed - I was in standard 9.

She rewrote the following year when I was also writing my finals and she failed and I passed very well. Now she has always been an A student at school and my dad used to make fun of me saying that I always got the booby prize because I was not so bright.

After she failed she left home and my mom and I would look after her daughter - My Mom during the day and me at night. I was schooling and had a child to take care of.

Fast forward a couple of years, she moved out left her child behind again went to work " we suspect"  at an escort service, then worked for another company where she used my dad''s bank details and defrauded him out of thousands.

Then the 2nd baby came along. The guys parents denied that the grandchild was theirs and would not support. I was working at the time and took my money and bought her son clothes. One day she came home drunk and took all the clothes and threw it into the street, i vowed never to help again.

We grew up poor with an alcoholic father and I vowed never to live like that. I am divorced and had a baby at the age of 28 and I thank God that I am able to provide for me and my child.

SHe on the other hand gets drunk every day and has had 2 abortions. Now she says that I am stuck up and think too much of myself because I have everything. When I tell her that I work for it, she screams and swears at me. Even tells me to my face that she dislikes me.

Its amazing how the one person I helped does this to me especially to my child. I say it doesnt bother me and she is a grown woman but I can see how her life is spiralling out of control and even though i want to help i cannot. How do I let her be without my conscious getting the better of me?

By the way she is 35 living rent free with her 3 kids in my dads house and I have had to fend for myself since my dad threw me out of the house when I was 19 - 3 months after my mom died. If anyone should feel hatred its me but im just grateful that i have a job and is able to look after myself.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So, you're describing a really awful person, selfish, uncaring ( for her own child, for instance ), and happy to defraud your dad.
She needs to learn about contraception. When the father of her second child refused to admit it was his child, she could have gone to maintenance court and the court could have ordered a blood test to prove whether he was the father, and then she would have been able to compel him to pay maintenance.
You have nothing in life that you didn't work for, and should feel proud of yourself and ignore this spiteful and unpleasant person. You owe her nothing. Avoid spending time with her and expect nothing from her.
Ignore the silly and cruel things she says, and leave her to herself. She may be spiralling out of control, but it is impossible for anyone to help her until and unless she admits sincerely that she has messed up and needs help ; and when that miracle occurs, let someone else take on the task of helping her.
Cut her from your life, and enjoy the good life you are making with your child

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: PUrple | 2011/03/16

Perhaps you should just break contact with your sister. You are getting nothing from the relationship.
Since you are able to provide for your children, why should your sister who is clearly not able to provide for hers have to buy clothes for your child?

Just avoid contact with her and if she asks why, tell her its because of her behaviour, and when she is willing to act like an adult, you are happy to resume the relationship, but until then you don''t really want anything to do with her.

Reply to PUrple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/16

So, you're describing a really awful person, selfish, uncaring ( for her own child, for instance ), and happy to defraud your dad.
She needs to learn about contraception. When the father of her second child refused to admit it was his child, she could have gone to maintenance court and the court could have ordered a blood test to prove whether he was the father, and then she would have been able to compel him to pay maintenance.
You have nothing in life that you didn't work for, and should feel proud of yourself and ignore this spiteful and unpleasant person. You owe her nothing. Avoid spending time with her and expect nothing from her.
Ignore the silly and cruel things she says, and leave her to herself. She may be spiralling out of control, but it is impossible for anyone to help her until and unless she admits sincerely that she has messed up and needs help ; and when that miracle occurs, let someone else take on the task of helping her.
Cut her from your life, and enjoy the good life you are making with your child

Reply to cybershrink

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