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Posted by: Emily | 2012-11-29

My sister

My sister thinks she''s too good for me. She doesn''t say it, but I know. I''m no longer good enough to watch the kids. Just because I''m Bipolar. I told her I want to bring a tv series with when I visit and I''m told she will have to watch it first before she exposes her kids to it. She makes me feel inferior. I only arranged the visit because I could combine it with a business trip. I now regret having booked so many days with them. I know she will find fault with my series. Just because she can. My psychologist asked me that the kids are growing up they will soon be able to visit alone. It will never happen. Not only because her kids are to precious to her, but because she doesn''t trust me. The things my sister says and does makes me feel inferior. She just puts up with me because she has to.
I''m not having a pity party. I''m actually getting angry and I''m afraid I might say something to her this weekend.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I understand that her actions have made you feel as though she thinks she;s too good for you, but it may not necessarily be so. Have you explored, gently and calmly, what it is about you ( is it actually your bipolarity ? Ort something else ) which makes her feel reluctant to have you watch her kids ? Have there been any previous incidents when something regrettable happened while they were in your care, which she fears being repeated ? Or has your hustory of kid-watching been unblemished, and her fears, whatever they may be, baseless ?
Is she, even when you're not involved at all, extremely cautious about what TV series her kids watch ? Has she, again even if you weren't involved at all, had any previous problem relating to anything her kids did watch, which disturbed or troubled them ?
Were you planning on bringing a series she had never sen, and didn't know enough about to approve in advance ?
Is it really only you, out of the whole world of people, that she doesn't trust to be alone with her kids ? That's very unlikely unless at some time, something happened which led her to feel so untrusting.
Speaking to her in anger is only likely to worsen the situation, and wont bring you satisfaction or happiness.
Excellent responses from Maria and Milla. Chat calmly with her, about why she feels uneasy, explaining that you find this distressing, and want to understand it. And in your interactions with her and the kids, demonstrate convincingly how responsible and loving you are, so that she herself might feel she may have over-reacted, rather than you over-reacting and making her feel certain she was right to be cautious

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Milla | 2012-11-29

Saying anything harsh, picking a fight or making a scene won''t help you, it will most likely only make her feel that he reasoning is just and that she shouldn''t trust you to look after her kids. Rather discuss it with her calmly, ask why she is treating you differently and what you can do to put her at ease, try to be understanding about her concerns.

Ultimately they are her kids, she gets to decide who she wants around them and what she wants or doesn''t want them to watch. I highly doubt she''s setting these rules just to hurt you, it''s not about you but about her kids and what she believes is best for them. Even if you disagree or feel hurt by it, you have to respect her right as a parent to set boundaries.

Basically you can either choose to get horribly offended and upset over it, which is really not at all her goal here, or you can go with her set rules and just enjoy the time you get to spend with the kiddies. Show her that you are a capable aunt and mature adult and she might feel more at ease.

Reply to Milla
Posted by: Maria | 2012-11-29

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. - Eleanor Roosevelt

I suggest you don''t take the tv series, and just forget about it. It''s not important enough to get upset over. Take your sister out for coffee while you''re there, and have a relaxed chat about your illness, having therapy, overcoming obstacles and how well you''re functioning. (Assuming you are functioning well.) Then you can mention that her attitude towards you is hurtful, without being defensive or attacking. Listen to her, because as a parent her first priority must be her children''s safety (which includes controlling what they can watch). Perhaps you''ve behaved in ways that make her uncomfortable? Be open to constructive criticism, and you can come away from it feeling that your sister and you understand each other better.

Good luck.

Reply to Maria

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