Posted by: CPM | 2009-09-11

my sis' s boyfriend

Hi Dear CS

My sister' s boyfriend is a d**s OR as G says he' s not a d**s he' s a BIG d**s. No-one likes him and he' s the type of guy when he' s around we all try and stick it out till he leaves, not saying anything as not to put my sister in a situation. I try mostly not to go when he is somewhere unless its a family thing.

She will not leave him.

They have a 1 year old child and another on the way. He verbally abuses her and and and - as i said a d**s. I think he' s degraded her so much she believes she is nothing without him - but lets leave that there.

I am the Godmother of their child although he does not know this&  I am not to mention it ever - only our side of the family knows this. A while back I deceided i can no longer keep my mouth shut and I did not.

Now he greatly dislikes me as I choke him when he talks sheeeet. A while back the child (whom i love dearly) was sick and he refused to give my sister money - she' d already spent all she had for medicine etc so he told her YOU MAKE A PLAN OR SHE CAN STAY WITHOUT MEDS - she asked me. I lost it completely. I gave her the money but not before phoning him and telling him EXACTLY what i think about him. The next day he paid me the money back.

He also said he did not need to have this conversation with me I said no when you buy 3 flatscreen tv' s and all the shit under the sun and gadgets but you dont have money on the 2nd of the month for your child then you WILL have this conversation with me. I told him how useless and a bit shit he is. He put the phone down in my ear.

He sent me an sms yesterday that i am not welcome in " his"  house and he never again wants to hear that I was there. I am also not to have contact with her for the rest of this year as my " punishment" . Needless to say i did not even reply.

I am however ok to look after the Godchild when the 2nd one is born at the end of the year because she' ll need help and his family is going away on holiday.

Now, you cant talk to a d**s, CS so no use talking to him. You know the type. Sits and play' s games and goes to LAN parties where they play games on pc' s the whole weekend. He lives in a fantacy world.

He alienates all her friends to such extent that there is only one friend left, who also does not take his shit.

SOooooo that leave me with 1. I ignore him and go and do what I like and see what he does and then fcuk :-) him up ? or 2. Allow him to alienate me and withdraw totally from this child ?

CS, hope you have a good, good weekend and rest a little?

Do you do some gardening?

Love as always

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Our expert says:
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Sometimes, people stick with unsuitable partners for various odd reasons, including not wanting to admit they made a mistake in the first place., and the more fiercely if they sense opposition from the family.
You CHOKE him ? Verbally or manually ? He sounds like a pathetically immature, inadequate kid, occasionall pretending to be a man, and choosing to inhabit a fantasy world because he's not capable of handling the real world. Presumably the main concern in deciding how to deal with his challenge ( by the way IS it "his" house --- does he pay for it and has he bought it ? ) is whatever will be best for the child.
Gardening ? As my garden got way out of control during the years of my accident and surgeries, it's now a mess that would need me to work on it for months on end just to make it look like a wilderness. So I haven't yet plucked up enough courage to tackle it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: blackbird | 2009-09-12

is she STILL with that ape i also met all those years ago.

Liewe fok jong, she needs a good smack against the head ..

Reply to blackbird
Posted by: CP MOM | 2009-09-11

Thanks guys...

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Liza | 2009-09-11

Hi Mom

I would ignore him and do what I like. Don' t let the bad behaviour of the father affect the child. Your sister will never realize that there is a problem if you withdraw. She will need the support to get out of this bad situation.

My sisters'  husband is also trying to alienate her whole family - just because he doesn' t have a close relationship with his own family. At least he isn' t abusive (that we know of), but he is also a d**s with a capital D. He is a terrible snob and looks down on everybody else. According to him, he is also always right. I' ve never seen him compromise. Everyone else has to compromise - he is too good to compromise. And they got married with ANC without accrual. Almost everything is in his name(house, 2 cars). My sister only has her own car on her name and she' s paying most of the debt since she is earning quite a bit more than him. I' m so worried that he will find a younger girlfriend and leave my sister with almost nothing, because my sister was the younger girlfriend with his previous marriage.

Good Luck, I know it' s not easy.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Woman | 2009-09-11

I hope you &  your sis is cut from the same cloth!! If so, she won' t take his sh!t forever. Remember, women tend to stick with a man when they have small children. This is an ancient survival mechanism, so the children has the best chance of survival. Once the kids are older, she will realise that he is a big D**s and then she will leave him. Yous sis needs you now more than ever in her life, because she is vulnerable. Don' t let up, keep speaking your mind. In the end, blood is thicker, and she will realise that you have only her best interests at heart. For yous sis and her kids'  sake, don' t leave their lives.

And whatever he says, just don' t listen, he' s not your husband, why should you listen to him? It seems to me that this eedjit is trying to run everyone' s lives.

Good luck, you' re a good big sister!!

Reply to Woman

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