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Question
Posted by: Godmother | 2010/01/28

My pregnant sister

Hello

I am very worried about my sister,i dont know how to help her.
my sister is 9 month pregnant and her boyfriend is verbaly abusive to her, because she hasnt had a job since two months into her pregnancy. he calls her the most vial names and makes her sleep on a foam mattress in their spare room.

He belives that she has been lying to him about not being able to find a job wile pregnant.and says she does nothing to contribute to the relationship.

she belives she deserves this abuse because she cant contribute financially,but she does all the house work.

he says that she has until the 1st of march to get a job or he is leaving. it is unfair to put this pressure on such a pregnant woman.

How can i make her see that he will not change and that her finding a job will not solve this problem and that he will find other reasons to abuse her.

i cant stand the thought of my godchild being born into that environment. please help.

sorry for the long message.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

How awful. What a cruel idiot. Doesn't sound as though he contributes anything much. You've put your finger on a key point, that she feels she deserves the abuse. She's wrong, of course, but probably convinced.
Maybe it'll be for the best if he DOES leave, then she can be helped to set up on her own with the child, and then sue in Maintenance Court for him to have to support the child.
Maybe also the local branch of a group like POWA established to help abused women, could help you and her. The priority must be the safety and protection of her and the child

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Godmother | 2010/01/29

Good luck Anon

Im so sorry that there are men and woman in the world that would hurt the people that really love them, it makes me so sad. I will pray for you and my sister, and i hope one day you both will find someone that will love and respect both you and your child..



Reply to Godmother
Posted by: Anon | 2010/01/29

Im also 9 months preggies, my husband is also abusing me physical and emotional, Im from the family court right now.

Will let the law takes its course.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Stan | 2010/01/29

dispeakable things that some men do to women out there, one thing for sure that your sister needs to be thankfull for is that she has you and yor family. continue to support her and pray for her that she gets the strength to leave him.

Reply to Stan
Posted by: Bongi | 2010/01/29

I think he will leave. What he is asking - for your sister to find a job by March - is impossible and he knows it. Just try your best to keep your sister calm for the sake of the baby and when she comes home in March embrace her and love her and asure her that she did not fail, she did the best she could.

Reply to Bongi
Posted by: Woman | 2010/01/29

If your family is supportive, why don' t you stage an intervention without her knowledge? Get him alone and then your family start talking to him. Tell him to pack his bags and go. You, as a family unit can make life so unpleasant for him that he will probably just leave. Then you can start concentrating on getting your sister back on her feet. Maintenance court will make sure he pays. Your sister might be angry with you at the start, but as her hormones abates, and she realises that you' ve done her a favour, she will be grateful.

You' re a wonderful sister - good luck to you all!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: confused | 2010/01/29

Thank you for your comments, yes my family can support her, but she has this idea in her head that if she leaves this idiot she will be tearing her little family apart.And that would mean she has failed at the most important thing in her life. i need to find a way for her to start concentrating on her unborn baby and stop trying to please this moron.

ive thought of kidnapping her but that wont work she' ll just go back.
its cruel to say it but i hope he leaves, my sister deserves the best
not this guy.

Reply to confused
Posted by: Bongi | 2010/01/29

What a cruel idiot indeed. How can such a pregnant woman find a job - it' s IMPOSSIBLE. Even if she had a job she would be on maternity leave by now. This man IS going to leave, he is just making this an excuse.

Can you and your family financially support your sister and the baby until she gets back to her feet? She definitely needs to leave this idiot.

Reply to Bongi
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/28

How awful. What a cruel idiot. Doesn't sound as though he contributes anything much. You've put your finger on a key point, that she feels she deserves the abuse. She's wrong, of course, but probably convinced.
Maybe it'll be for the best if he DOES leave, then she can be helped to set up on her own with the child, and then sue in Maintenance Court for him to have to support the child.
Maybe also the local branch of a group like POWA established to help abused women, could help you and her. The priority must be the safety and protection of her and the child

Reply to cybershrink

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