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Question
Posted by: MissN | 2011/03/22

My partner

Hi Dr
Pls help me figure out what he is thinking. I have been with him for six months now and he is a widow. The wife passed on in 2009 and they have 3 beautiful kids. He is such a nice and humble person. I love him dearly. My concern is the fact that he doesn''t want us to disclose our relationship. Reasons he gives is that because we are both christians and he is an elder at church  he is afraid that he''ll be forced into marriage because we are only expected to be in courtship for a short while and then marry.

I asked him if he is ashamed of being with me but he said he loves me dearly but his problem is that he he is not ready to commit yet because of his financial status. I must admit he is in deep financial status and he stresses a lot about it. When I try and offer help he refuses because he doesn''t want to trouble me. This then makes him a bit distant as he''ll spend time working hard to make ends meet.

He''ll fail to show up after promising to come see me but will then apologise profusely for his actions. I love him but I''m scared I''m beginning to withdraw  I no longer know what to say to him to show him that I want to part of his problems and help for him to get out quick then we start focusing on our suffering relationship.

He is a potential husband  if this relationship fails it will be a great loss for me. I love him.

What do you think? Does he love me or should I just let go?

Thanks a lot for your response  in advance.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageBehaviour modification

I have no doubt this man loves you. He has been honest about his fears and shortcomings. Although he is trying to turn things around, clearly he is finding the mountain hard to climb. The question is, how long are you prepared to wait until you can experience some fulfillment from this relationship and move on to the next level? Did your partner deal with the loss of his ex wife? Did he go for counseling? This is an issue that the two of you are going to have to work on together with a relationship councilor - don't try and go it alone.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: MissN | 2011/04/04

Jpp

Thanks a lot for you advice and to the Dr too.

I have thought of it a lot of times but also considered my age that it is not possible to find somebody without kids.

My chances are that I''ll always come across a widow or divorcee with history and buggage. I only have one child.

We have agreed that we won''t have children of our own but concentate on what we have already.

I don''t know if I''m making sense but hey you are more than welcome to a lot that I''m maybe ignoring in persuation of love.

Regards

Reply to MissN
Posted by: jpp | 2011/03/25

Mam you need to really rethink.Love with ur heart but think with ur brains.Its gonna be tough at some stage for u with 3 kids that ae not yours.

Reply to jpp
Posted by: Behaviour modification | 2011/03/24

I have no doubt this man loves you. He has been honest about his fears and shortcomings. Although he is trying to turn things around, clearly he is finding the mountain hard to climb. The question is, how long are you prepared to wait until you can experience some fulfillment from this relationship and move on to the next level? Did your partner deal with the loss of his ex wife? Did he go for counseling? This is an issue that the two of you are going to have to work on together with a relationship councilor - don't try and go it alone.

Reply to Behaviour modification

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