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Question
Posted by: Broken | 2010/09/29

My own stupidity

I have made a very big mistake. Ive lost my marriage completely. To make a long story short, I been married for 3.5 years. I took a woman out for supper and lied to my wife about it. She found out and decided to leave me. Now, i cannot justify anything I did. I didnt go through with the supper, i actually sat down, and abruptly walked out. It just wasnt in me to do it at all. I am such and idiot. My wife and myself have been quite distant for the past 6 months due to stress of work etc. Now I go do this damn stupid thing, and she has walked out. Its been 3 weeks and its gotten worse. She doesnt want to come back, and wants a divorce. How can I blame her for wanting that. I feel completely broken and lost, and its all my own stupidity. Im not looking for sympathy, I really dont deserve any. Just thank you for listening.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, what you did was indeed foolish ; but it also is not wise for her to promptly and hurriedly abandon an over 3-year marriage without more effort to resolve the issues in marriage counselling. Apparently this arose within a period of stress on and within the marriage.
Isn;t there someone, among friends and family, who you can talk with, and who can talk with her, and convince her that less happened than she may be assuming, that you fully recognize how stpid it was, and that you genuinely want to apologise and work with her, with a marriage counsellor, to try to work this out ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Beth | 2010/10/02

\U DESERVE IT WHAT WERE U THINKING SHE IS STANDING UP FOR ALL WOMEN COS TRUST ME U WILL DO IT AGAIN SO U MADE UR OWN ED LIE ON IT....

Reply to Beth
Posted by: Sandy | 2010/09/30

Good Heavens, you just have to fight for your marriage. If there is any love left, get on your hands and knees and ensure that you make a go of it. Its too precious not to try to save it. As soul says, give it your everything.

Reply to Sandy
Posted by: Soul | 2010/09/29

Hey everyone deserves a second chance and you are remorsefully of your actions and you''ve learnt from it. Now stop being do hard on yourself up and give it everything you got.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Broken | 2010/09/29

You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for all your kind words. Although i dont really deserve it, I do and will forever regret the mistake I made.

Reply to Broken
Posted by: Soul | 2010/09/29

You made a mistake but not an unforgivable one, this can be worked out if your wife really wants to work at it.
I do agree with Two-stone your wife sounds young. The fact that your wife has a friend like the one you mentioned certainly doesn''t help, sure she may love clubbing drinking and male attention but when she''s alone she is very lonely, does she tell your wife that is she telling your wife the truth that she''d like to have some relationship stability in her life, I don''t think so.
What your wife sees is her friend having the time of her life but she doesn''t see everything, your wife is blinded by this friend of hers. The sad part is that by the time she sees this will it be too late would she have lost you.

You need to stop kicking yourself and speak to your wife cause honestly I think there''s more to the story than you''re aware of. You need to get to the bottom of this and if your marriage has a chance then you both need to want it and fight for it. Your wife will need to stay away from this so called friend of hers. Believe it or not she has more of an influence on your wife than you do. Don''t give up without a fight and if it turns out you folks go your seperate ways then you can have peace knowing you fought as hard as you could to save your relationship, your wife on the other hand may end up regretting this later on in life when she realizes what she had lost.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: two-stone | 2010/09/29

I feel really sorry for you my friend. It sounds as if your wife is still quite young as she is being very drastic (immature?) considering that nothing happened in the end. She should have been glad that you saw the light and stopped yourself before it was too late - that is very praiseworthy, even though there is no excuse for what you did. As you said - it was stupid and a betrayal. However, if she is not going to try again, please learn from this terrible lesson and make sure that you treat the next lady in your life like gold! Good luck mate - time will heal everything, I promise.

Reply to two-stone
Posted by: Broken | 2010/09/29

The problem is she is hanging out with this friend of hers that is single. And loves clubbing and drinking and male attention. And I think that is what my wife is enjoying.. I understand completely that I was the idiot that did this. Seriously, I cannot kick myself hard enough. I really dont know what to do. She doesnt want me back, so what is left. Should i walk away, and I know i will blame myself for the rest of my life.

Reply to Broken
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/29

OK, what you did was indeed foolish ; but it also is not wise for her to promptly and hurriedly abandon an over 3-year marriage without more effort to resolve the issues in marriage counselling. Apparently this arose within a period of stress on and within the marriage.
Isn;t there someone, among friends and family, who you can talk with, and who can talk with her, and convince her that less happened than she may be assuming, that you fully recognize how stpid it was, and that you genuinely want to apologise and work with her, with a marriage counsellor, to try to work this out ?

Reply to cybershrink

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