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Question
Posted by: Sunchime | 2011/07/27

My mother is now living with us.

Hallo CyberShrink

I hope you are well.

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We don''t have any children from this marriage although he has two grown daughters with whom I get along very well.

My parents got divorced 27 years ago. My mother has been living on her own/guesthouse. She is 68 years old. Her health has since the beginning of this year deteriorated to such an extent that she needs assistance most of the time. She is not in such a state that she needs to be put in an Old Age Home though.

My husband and I have now sold our house and bought a bigger house with a seperate Garden Cottage. It has its own entrance and is completely seperate from the main house.

Do you have some advice for us on how to set " rules"  with this new living arrangement? We get along well with her and am thankful that she will help with some of the chores like cooking. Any advice or suggestions on any literature that might come in handy?

Thanks.
Sunchime.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, I'm sure other readers will have some helpful suggestions. I'd think it important to set rules at the very start, because it would feel to her like cheating to impose rules after she's settled in. Rules depend on her needs, her bad habits, and your own needs and capabilities. What chores will she be able to help with, an with what frequency ; what will she, reasonably, need from you ? What may be specified to be re-negotiated if the situation changes ? Will she contribute financially ? Who will pay for, do, or accompany her for, shopping ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/27

Well, I'm sure other readers will have some helpful suggestions. I'd think it important to set rules at the very start, because it would feel to her like cheating to impose rules after she's settled in. Rules depend on her needs, her bad habits, and your own needs and capabilities. What chores will she be able to help with, an with what frequency ; what will she, reasonably, need from you ? What may be specified to be re-negotiated if the situation changes ? Will she contribute financially ? Who will pay for, do, or accompany her for, shopping ?

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