Our expert says:
Maybe she's actually no longer capable of cooking, whether for herself or for you, but doesn't want to face up to this, and tries to cope by sticking to filling simple foods that need minimal preparation ?
Maybe with regard to food you consider luxiries, where this is reasonable, keep them in a locked cupboard or fridge, and give her a small amount each morning that is her ration for the day ?
If she has income of her own, of whatever form, she should surely split the costs of the home she shares with you, and of food. in proportion to income, and should eat what she can afford to buy.
DO spend time with her, she deserves it and presumably enjoys it ( especially if it can be quality time and not quarrelling time ) but its entirely fair to explain to her how you will divide what spare time you have, so as to also have some time for yourself.
If she is capable of helping in the house, then she should share in the chores, with an emphasis not on her carrying out orders, but on being praised for being active and useful.
It also sounds as though the diet she chooses could be a really bad one for someone with diabetes, and if she is rendering herself relatively hypglycemic at times, that may make her confused and cause poor judgement. She must see someone at a government medical clinic to help control her diabetes including supervision of her diet. Does she not qualify for a state pension or benefits ? Maybe such a clinic might have a social worker who could help counsel both of you on how to manage this fraught relationship better ?
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