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Question
Posted by: Jennifer | 2011/10/04

My married ex Reply to Cybershrink 2

Good Morning

Yes I do want him as a friend.
I do not want him back - I remember why we broke up and he and his wife seem to have similar issues (as to what we had). Not cheating.
If they got divorced and I truly think that they may one day he would have to be on his own a long, long time before I could consider him as my romantic partner ever again.
His parents were divorced and he told me when we were engaged that he would never divorce because he could not do that to his kids and put them through what he went through. I did not want 5 kids and I felt stifled by it all to be honest.
His mom is very controlling and my own mom said she is going to be a problem. He since avoids him own mom and so does his wife.
I don''t know we just agreed yesterday that we made our beds and must lie in it and keep things above aboard.
I do love him as a friend and he cares about me too.
Rare and unusual I guess.
I really do not have affairs with married men or men with women, not me. I also think I deserve better.
He does discuss problems with her - they were separated for a time, he told me months later.
We spoke yesterday.
We will meet now and then (once a year or so) providing his wife knows.
She knew about the supper and was quite happy.
I did find it strange that she looked me up before the wedding and I am glad I could be friends and not hate her on principle.
I think she appreciated this.
She invited me over a lot - I did not go because they are married.
My ex was not happy for me to be friends. I just said to him that you cannot hate someone or their new someone because it did not work out for you. Funny enough he expected me to accept his ex wife and his 2 kids which I did. We had the kids over but hardly saw his wife.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I feel ever more strongly that the reason you are not finding an answer, is that you don't yet have a clear question.
I suspect you want to have him openly as a friend, but something not clear to you makes you feel uneasy about this.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Peace Maker | 2011/10/04

l think we have exhausted this subject, it does not need solving as there does not appear to be a problem according to the writer.
What more can we do or say , lets end this now as we are going round in circles.

Reply to Peace Maker
Posted by: Regular | 2011/10/04

Jennifer, what an ugly reply to those who have taken time to respond to you. A little gratitude would be nice.
Heather has answered clearly and sensibly - read carefully.
Accusing others of hating their exes is agressive , l wonder if this aggresion is caused by guilt? Any mature single woman would not get involved in a situation like this but would find a more suitable friend!

Reply to Regular
Posted by: Heather | 2011/10/04

No need to be rude Jennifer. In all honesty, you have not actually posted a question, just a bunch of facts and you''ve defended yourself and this guy when people have commented. What was your actual query? Did you need some sort of confirmation that your relationship is fine? Really what did you come here hoping for if you have it all figured out?

Reply to Heather
Posted by: Anne | 2011/10/04

Jennifer, I think his wife is a stupid fool not to see you still have feelings for him. Either that or she stupidly trusts him with her life, You seem a spoiled child that does not know what she wants.

You should leave him alone. Get out of his life. He will never invest completely in his marriage while you are in the picture, once in a while, or every day.

If you truly have his best interest at heart, get out of his life completely.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: Jennifer | 2011/10/04

I have to say that you are probably the people that hate your ex and the new person in their life on principle.

You will remember that his wife to be looked me up and encouraged friendship throughout the years.

Yep sorry to say it is all above aboard and we are friends, the hubby, the wife, the kids and I.

I am uneasy because my friends say he is so in love with me - I think perhaps they mistake caring for something else.

When we broke up he begged me not to, when he got married he asked me was I sure about the break-up...

I would have made my move years ago and come to think of it so would he. It didn''t work then and it wouldn''t work even if he was free.

So friends we are. There are no claims on friendship it is voluntary.

Wish you all luck with your exes you must hate them all. Shame man.

Reply to Jennifer
Posted by: Romany | 2011/10/04

Your ex is a MARRIED man with CHILDREN.
You have no ight to him anymore.
I agree with K... let go and move on.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: K | 2011/10/04

MY ADVICE : LET GO AND MOVE ON

Reply to K
Posted by: Regular | 2011/10/04

Okay - we have had 3 posts ,almost the same, about a strange but non issue!
As CS asked what is it you want from us? This whole situation does not sound healthy 2 me. All we can do is wish you well.
Good bye.

Reply to Regular
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/04

I feel ever more strongly that the reason you are not finding an answer, is that you don't yet have a clear question.
I suspect you want to have him openly as a friend, but something not clear to you makes you feel uneasy about this.

Reply to cybershrink

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