Our expert says:
Maybe you're in love with the other guy, maybe in lust. And remember your words : you "allowed yourself" to fall in love with him. Its not really HONEST wih your husband to lust for the other guy, and consider this fine so long as you tell him about it, and let this hurt him.
Don't assume that any relaionship with this other guy will be blissful or forever - presumably that's what you thought when you married your husband. And then that changed.
To have gone ahead and slept with this other man is only hurtful to your husband, and again, telling him about it doesn;t make it OK in any way. Why shouldn't you feel guilty ? You ARE likely to hurt your husband terribly, and maybe other family members.
And then you are talking about "OCD... fantasies" about the other man. Remember what you said : fantasies. This is like the wives who complain of their husband's interest in porn, except that it has involved physical infidelity and men don't marry the porn pictures. Except perhaps if they're like Charlie Sheen.
See a personal counsellor to get more reasonable perspective on your whirlwind of sexual fantasies, and to enable you to make more rational and less hormonal decisions - and consider some couples counselling sessions with your husband, to better understand each other and, if needs be, to part less painfully.
Stop thinking that merely telling him about your infidelity makes it OK.
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