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Question
Posted by: Lee | 2011-08-18

My little girl is very upset

Dear CS

Please help me my little girl came to me this morning crying uncontrollably she said other kids at her creche do not want to play with her because we shaved her head i comforted her and reassured her that the is nothing wrong with shaving the hair she is still the beautiful clever girl .

I want her to be assertive and be able to stand up for herself but i do not know how to do it,few weeks back she told me two boys from her creche kissed her and told her she is sexy i called her teacher and told her i am not happy with that and she must chat to the kids’  which she did however few days later my daughter told me her teacher said she must not play with boys because her mom will be complaining.

i am so sacred because there are bullies everywhere am i going to move my child to another creche every time ,the creche is good and i am happy with her progress.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hmm. Firstly, I don't understand ( because you don't explain it in your message ) why the little girl had her hair shaved off. Was this medically necessary for some odd reason ? Otherwise it sounds like vandalism, and would of course encourage teasing of the child, and the child feeling extra self-conscious. I don't understand the reason you give, as it still sounds like a bad idea.
Its understandable if you felt uneasy about little boys of creche age kissing a girl and describing her as sexy ( one wonders about what goes on in their homes and lives ) but depending on how the teachers dealt with your concerns, this might have made other kids wary of approaching her, through no fault of hers.
I agree with Lee that the school may have handled this badly, and should rather have taught ALL the kids about the issues of bullying, privacy, respect for others and enjoying diversity.
The idea of a play date is also a good one.

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: ? | 2011-08-18

I suggest she doesnt shave the little girls head again!

Reply to ?
Posted by: Lee (the other one) | 2011-08-18

So the Mom might be sorry now for her mistake but it doesnt help to judge her. Her trouble is how to get the little girl to feel accepted. Make a suggestion or leave them alone.

Reply to Lee (the other one)
Posted by: ? | 2011-08-18

She agreed to shave her hair.....but did she want to? As CS says this does not sound like a great idea,kids can be very cruel 2 each other. This seems almost like setting her up to be ridiculed!

Reply to ?
Posted by: Lee | 2011-08-18

Thank you so much for the advice Lee
I love the idea of inviting other kids’  for a play date
She agreed that we shave her hair because the hairstyle she wants to change to does not want any chemicals into the hair.

Kind Regards

Reply to Lee
Posted by: Lee (the other one) | 2011-08-18

Children are likely to tease someone when they are different to the rest. Understand that at this age acceptance means a lot to a child and you merely telling her to be confident doesnt help her through the day. Rather speak to the school about raising awareness amongst all the children about important issues such as bullying, sexuality and respect for differences. Show your little girl all the love you can and perhaps contact a mom or two at the school and invite their children for a play date over the weekend. This way your daughter can forge relationships with 2 children who will be friendly with her at school.
BTW - why did you shave her hair? My daughter is 12 and we are considering shaving her hair because she has tricotillamania - she pulls her hair out. I wouldnt do it without her consent though.

Reply to Lee (the other one)
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-08-18

Hmm. Firstly, I don't understand ( because you don't explain it in your message ) why the little girl had her hair shaved off. Was this medically necessary for some odd reason ? Otherwise it sounds like vandalism, and would of course encourage teasing of the child, and the child feeling extra self-conscious. I don't understand the reason you give, as it still sounds like a bad idea.
Its understandable if you felt uneasy about little boys of creche age kissing a girl and describing her as sexy ( one wonders about what goes on in their homes and lives ) but depending on how the teachers dealt with your concerns, this might have made other kids wary of approaching her, through no fault of hers.
I agree with Lee that the school may have handled this badly, and should rather have taught ALL the kids about the issues of bullying, privacy, respect for others and enjoying diversity.
The idea of a play date is also a good one.

Reply to cybershrink

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