Posted by: Anon | 2009-04-06

My life spiralling out of control

5 years ago I got divorced, financially it really affected me and I lost the house my ex-husband and I. Things went out of hand from there, I moved in with my then boyfriend, had a child with him. I was so much in love that I didnt realise that he was using and exploiting me. This relationship ended in 2007. By that time I was already down in the dumps and was consulting with a psychologist. Last year things really got bad, I was hijacked, i went through depression, my ex-boyfriend was coming in and out of my daughters life. The financial situation got worse to the point where I was threatened with eviction. About 4 weeks ago, it got the point where I had no money, no food etc. I then discussed the issue with my manager and the company I work for allowed me to come to Cape Town from Durban at my own cost. In Durban it was just my daughter and I and here in Cape Town i have family. I sold up everything within 2 weeks, and have been here for 1. Now I' m not happy. I want to go back to Durban to my independance, I dont want my job, i need a change. Am i feeling like this because its early days? apart from the financial problem in Durban eveything else was convenient. I cannot talk to my family about this because according to them I am too concerned about a man (havent had a boyfriend since 2007), and that is why I lose everything. Should I pack up, move back. Do I resign find a new job back in Durban? Please help my head in turmoil and it feels like my life is spiralling out of control.

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Our expert says:
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You've been through a lot, understandably distressing. But this may not be the right time for insisting on independence --- staying with your family could help you regain stability, psychologically and financially, to prepare yourself to become securely and successfully independent again. Do you really need another change of job AT THIS STAGE ? Later, maybe. But for now, changing things that don't absoluttely HAVE to be changed isn't a great idea. YOu don't need a boyfriend now, either --- another nunneeded complication. YOU are valid, good and great on your own, without needing any man in your life to make you more. When you are well and secure, you can again become independent, and then think about whether the right man can contribute to your life.
When you're feeling that everything is plunging out of control, this is no time to give up a job or move cities yet again. Rebuild first.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Slowly does it | 2009-04-06

I would guess you never sorted out your life properly when you got divorced. You should never have gotten involved until you had done this. Doing that simply compounded your existing problem as you have now discovered. Keep away from any relationships, well away ,and just concentrate on getting your self sorted out. Take it one day at a time and have a game plan to work to and you will see it will come right.

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