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Question
Posted by: Nonnie | 2011-12-10

My life is complicated, wish it could be simpler

My ex husband commited suicide 3 months ago. We had some serious trouble before this although it was not public, he had been cheating on me for almost 20 years with different women. I still loved him though, but could not handle it any longer so I left him. A year later, he commited suicide. I had a relationship with someone, but it didn''t work out as he was accusing me of using him to get over my ex husband.
So now, a few months on, I am being romanced by someone known to the family of my ex husband. He was there all the time, but we never really communicated. He is doing the most sweetest things I could ever imagine and shows unconditional caring, like asking if I''m okay during the day, telling me to drive safely and sending me flowers! I am not sure though if it is infatuation. I still cry every day over my ex husband and especially this time of the year it gets to me. Also, this guy is in a relationship with a family member, but he claims that it has been over for a long time prior to him contacting me. Given the length of their relationship being almost 10 years, it seems a bit weird. Oh, and he is also younger than me...I am so scared that I might be making a mistake again and I also don''t want to cause a break up.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its entirely understandable and sensible for you to have decided to leave a man who didn't bother to be faithful and was chronically unfaithful to you. The suicide wasn't in any way your fault, of course, though one may feel as though it was.
The anniversaries of the death of someone you loved ( whether or not they genuinely loved you ) are often tough times for any of us.
I'm worried about the sound of this new sweet guy having been or being in a relationship with a family member of yours, as this suggests a significant possibility of further later complications, and heart-ache.
If you are scaed of causing a break-up then that other relationship is still current, and he shopuld be rules out as a romantic partner. If he and his current partner wish to be friendly towards you, and supportive, that's different.
only 3 months into your loss, is also too early to be thinking of getting into any serious relationship with anyone.
See a counsellor, and avoid making further copmplications you really don't need right now

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nini | 2011-12-12

Just to butt in here - You l eft your husband becuase he was unfaithful. You mention that this new guy is still seeing someone else, which means he too is currently being unfaithful! Which means he is cheating on another girl. Dont go down the same road.

Take time to heal, cry if you need to cry, do what needs to be done until you reach the point where you can decide what YOU want. Getting involved now, as appealing as what it sounds, might not be the best thing for you. Good luck.

Reply to Nini
Posted by: Gogo | 2011-12-12

Your ex was a cheater why he killed himself, maybe he was HIV+. To your new guy, there is one thing that i need to tell you, dont date a guy who use to know u when you were still married to your husband. Most of the people make those mistake, he wanted your cake before and the problem was he cannot have it, now its his chance to get it. Why dont you start a new relationship from a clean slate. He got issues, now he will be telling after lies

Good luck

Reply to Gogo
Posted by: Phil | 2011-12-12

Come on now  what a stupid question? The guy is invloved  why can''t people just stay away from people that are in relatiosnhips? Besides  this guy propably wants some on the side entertainment" " 

Reply to Phil
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-12-11

Its entirely understandable and sensible for you to have decided to leave a man who didn't bother to be faithful and was chronically unfaithful to you. The suicide wasn't in any way your fault, of course, though one may feel as though it was.
The anniversaries of the death of someone you loved ( whether or not they genuinely loved you ) are often tough times for any of us.
I'm worried about the sound of this new sweet guy having been or being in a relationship with a family member of yours, as this suggests a significant possibility of further later complications, and heart-ache.
If you are scaed of causing a break-up then that other relationship is still current, and he shopuld be rules out as a romantic partner. If he and his current partner wish to be friendly towards you, and supportive, that's different.
only 3 months into your loss, is also too early to be thinking of getting into any serious relationship with anyone.
See a counsellor, and avoid making further copmplications you really don't need right now

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Obvious | 2011-12-10

You say this guy is in a relationship with a family member not WAS,in which case he is not available!

Also it is only 3 months since your ex died and you are still crying every day - l think you are in no position to start a romantic relation ship with anyone let alone a younger man who already has a current relationship.(would it not be a simple excercise to check with the family member that this relationship is over as claimed by this young man?)

You have already been accused by someone who knows you well that you are not over your ex, the crying certainly supports this.

lt would appear that grief counceling (for your marriage as well as the person)should be a priority before you start dating............

Your life is not so complicated and you would indeed be making a BIG mistake if you get involved before you have dealt with your loss.

Reply to Obvious

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