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Question
Posted by: W | 2011/05/23

My Life

There are things in my past that I cannot change, things that hurt me and also things that I am ashamed of. I have been battling for years with them but more so the last few months. Trying to find myself has been the hardest and I was striving for perfection that at the time I did not know I would never get, because no one is perfect, no marriage is either no home no job etc etc.

However I have decided to start living even though I am not in “ my mind”  at the right level emotionally and physically yet!!! But I need to start somewhere and its taken me 30 years to get here but her goes, my life will not be wasted on being miserable, unhappy, sad, afraid, and angry anymore… .

xxxxxx

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There is no point in continuing to insist on being a victim of one's past. Learn from it whatever is useful to learn, and move on - and therapy / counselling can help you to do this usefully and efficiently.
So, some things hurt you ? We all get hurt, but you learn to avoid the avoidable hurts, and not to unhelpfully prolong the duration of the hurt. Otherwise it's like accidentally sitting on a drawing pin, then celebrating that unfortunate fact by sitting back on the pin hourly, every day. Learn, safely dispose of the pin and sit safely.
So, you did some things that you now see were wrong / a bad idea ? Join the club. But instead of uselessly beating yourself up about it, daily, work out how to not do it again, and what would be better to do, and move on.
Forgive yourself for not being being perfect - nobody is perfect, and those who think they are, are insufferable.
Be as good as you can be, under the circumstances, as they change. And the task is never completed while you're alive, so you are a great work in progress, and can modify and improve as time goes on.
And don't get too devoted to searching for yourself - you're there, all along, doing the searching.
As I reach the end of your message, it wounds as though you have, indeed, made wise decisions like this, and instead of worrying about having wasted time ( wasting more time in the process ) get on with finding ways to enjoy it and to find worthwhile things to do en route.
And I think we agree, as with Phil and the others, about the past. It has passed it's sell-by date : stop paying rent on previous years.

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2011/05/24

Like CS says, we''ve all made bad choices. So what? We can''t undo them. Congratulations on making the CHOICE to leave the past behind. Life is about choices, and you''re starting the next phase of your journey having made the right choice. Keep your eyes on the road ahead and enjoy the new free you.

Good luck

Reply to Me
Posted by: W | 2011/05/23

Thank you so much CS, you have no idea how much your words mean to me...

Reply to W
Posted by: ME | 2011/05/23

the past a good place to vist, a bad place to live in.

Learn to forgive yourself.

Excellent advise from Phil

Reply to ME
Posted by: W | 2011/05/23

Thanks Phil

Reply to W
Posted by: Phil | 2011/05/23

You know what  most people have a past that they would rather forget about.

Two lesson''s:

1. Write down the past  ask for forgiveness if you have to. Burn the note  and leave the past in the past where it belongs.

2. You can do absolutely nothing about the past  but the future is in your hands and controll. You choose.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/23

There is no point in continuing to insist on being a victim of one's past. Learn from it whatever is useful to learn, and move on - and therapy / counselling can help you to do this usefully and efficiently.
So, some things hurt you ? We all get hurt, but you learn to avoid the avoidable hurts, and not to unhelpfully prolong the duration of the hurt. Otherwise it's like accidentally sitting on a drawing pin, then celebrating that unfortunate fact by sitting back on the pin hourly, every day. Learn, safely dispose of the pin and sit safely.
So, you did some things that you now see were wrong / a bad idea ? Join the club. But instead of uselessly beating yourself up about it, daily, work out how to not do it again, and what would be better to do, and move on.
Forgive yourself for not being being perfect - nobody is perfect, and those who think they are, are insufferable.
Be as good as you can be, under the circumstances, as they change. And the task is never completed while you're alive, so you are a great work in progress, and can modify and improve as time goes on.
And don't get too devoted to searching for yourself - you're there, all along, doing the searching.
As I reach the end of your message, it wounds as though you have, indeed, made wise decisions like this, and instead of worrying about having wasted time ( wasting more time in the process ) get on with finding ways to enjoy it and to find worthwhile things to do en route.
And I think we agree, as with Phil and the others, about the past. It has passed it's sell-by date : stop paying rent on previous years.

Reply to cybershrink

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