Our expert says:
There is no point in continuing to insist on being a victim of one's past. Learn from it whatever is useful to learn, and move on - and therapy / counselling can help you to do this usefully and efficiently.
So, some things hurt you ? We all get hurt, but you learn to avoid the avoidable hurts, and not to unhelpfully prolong the duration of the hurt. Otherwise it's like accidentally sitting on a drawing pin, then celebrating that unfortunate fact by sitting back on the pin hourly, every day. Learn, safely dispose of the pin and sit safely.
So, you did some things that you now see were wrong / a bad idea ? Join the club. But instead of uselessly beating yourself up about it, daily, work out how to not do it again, and what would be better to do, and move on.
Forgive yourself for not being being perfect - nobody is perfect, and those who think they are, are insufferable.
Be as good as you can be, under the circumstances, as they change. And the task is never completed while you're alive, so you are a great work in progress, and can modify and improve as time goes on.
And don't get too devoted to searching for yourself - you're there, all along, doing the searching.
As I reach the end of your message, it wounds as though you have, indeed, made wise decisions like this, and instead of worrying about having wasted time ( wasting more time in the process ) get on with finding ways to enjoy it and to find worthwhile things to do en route.
And I think we agree, as with Phil and the others, about the past. It has passed it's sell-by date : stop paying rent on previous years.
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