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Question
Posted by: Janice | 2012/08/07

My libido

My husband could have sex every night if I allowed, he is all about sex, so much that when he even comes for a hug, I know he wants sex, he is a very passionate and good husband, but I have no feeling for sex for about 5 years now, I let him have a quicky about 3 times a week, but I have no interest in sex, and I dont know how to get his libido down, and I dont want to get mine up, I will give him his release, but he seems to want more and more, and this is now affecting me negatively.We are married over 25 years, and he still has to see me naked every day, he seems to just want more and more, and I want less and less, when will his libido drop, we are both in our mid 40,s. I can live without sex, we have such a great relationship, spend a lot of time together, go on dates, etc, but for him its wine dine and 69, I dont even like foreplay, if I allowed he would have foreplay for an hour, what can I do, sorry for long post, but wanted you to know the detail.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It seems what you describe is a bit of an imbalance in your sexual relationship. What is important is that both parties enjoy the intimacy shared in the sexual experience and to be able to communicate one's needs. Many women explain that the intimacy is what is important to them and not necessarily having intercourse everytime and it is not necessary for them to reach orgasm everytime to feel sexually satisfied. It is know that testosterone levels in men are higher than those found in women, which results in a higher sexual drive in men. Sex drive or sexual appetite is a normal function, similar to our appetite for food. What may help is to look at it in this way. Appetites vary, so that at a meal you may not feel like having much to eat (perhaps only 1 course), whereas your husband may feel like a lot (perhaps 3 courses) to eat. You shouldnt have to eat more than you feel like and in the same way, he shouldnt have to starve. It would be necessary to explain this to your husband, that you would like the closeness and intimacy but that you dont need penetration everytime in order to feel satisfied. It may be necessary for you to stimulate him, or for him to do this so that he reaches orgasm. A quicky every now and then may be a good idea. In this way, you dont feel pressurised to have intercourse and that you can enjoy the hugs, knowing that your closeness doesn't always have to always result in sex. It may be a good idea to have further counselling. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Max | 2012/08/08

Too many of the same problems. Men generally want more than what a wife is willing to provide, and even with releases via internet porn and masturbation, it just is not the same.
I love my wife deeply and cant imagine my life without her but our sex life has become sterile.
I find i always have to initiate sex as she is never in the mood, or too tired or just wants to cuddle etc and the the same boring routine follows. This has led me now not to initiate sex at all due to the pattern of dissapointments in the past.
This problem could easily be resolved by having extra-marital sexual relations, although i would never do that without the wifes consent. If only there were more open-minded woman who would realise that a man can separate sex from love just as easily as a woman separates marriage from sex.
WE STILL WANT TO BE WITH YOU, but we do need sex, so if you dont provide we might start looking elsewhere.

Reply to Max
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/08/08

It seems what you describe is a bit of an imbalance in your sexual relationship. What is important is that both parties enjoy the intimacy shared in the sexual experience and to be able to communicate one's needs. Many women explain that the intimacy is what is important to them and not necessarily having intercourse everytime and it is not necessary for them to reach orgasm everytime to feel sexually satisfied. It is know that testosterone levels in men are higher than those found in women, which results in a higher sexual drive in men. Sex drive or sexual appetite is a normal function, similar to our appetite for food. What may help is to look at it in this way. Appetites vary, so that at a meal you may not feel like having much to eat (perhaps only 1 course), whereas your husband may feel like a lot (perhaps 3 courses) to eat. You shouldnt have to eat more than you feel like and in the same way, he shouldnt have to starve. It would be necessary to explain this to your husband, that you would like the closeness and intimacy but that you dont need penetration everytime in order to feel satisfied. It may be necessary for you to stimulate him, or for him to do this so that he reaches orgasm. A quicky every now and then may be a good idea. In this way, you dont feel pressurised to have intercourse and that you can enjoy the hugs, knowing that your closeness doesn't always have to always result in sex. It may be a good idea to have further counselling. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: A HUSBAND | 2012/08/07

This is a problem in many marriages, then wives complain if they find their dh into porn or masturbation, or worse. Men have needs, and one day they will learn to live without sex or intimacy from their wives, I sure have, I have actually trained myself not to get aroused by the sight of my wife, too many disappointing evenings, with high expectations turned to nothing. Romance, helping around the house, weekends away, all lead to disappointment for the man trying to spice things up, but divorced ladies are the horniest woman you will ever meet, please explain that

Reply to A HUSBAND
Posted by: Anon | 2012/08/07

Janice, learn to pleasure your man, learn to change your mind, one day he will be turned off by you, as he will learn to have low sex expectations, and the danger is when someone really wants him, it may be too hard a temptation to resist, and then you will blame him for destroying your marriage, maby he will turn to porn or masturbation, either way you are driving him away slowly, if you realsi that or not. Many of us woman would love our husbands to still be crazy about us after 25 years of marriage, his libido and desire for you is a blessing, please see it that way

Reply to Anon
Posted by: BEAUTY | 2012/08/07

IT FEELS SO GOOD WHEN UR MAN WHATS U MORE. I WISH I WAS U... YOU MUST GET HELP OR UR MAN WILL GO NEXT DOOR. YOU MUST BE GREATFULL THAT HE STILL FIND U SEXY AND IRRISISATBLE. GIVE IT TO HIM BT PLSSSSSSSSSS SEEK FOR HELP OR HE IS GONE......

Reply to BEAUTY
Posted by: XXX | 2012/08/07

This is a very common problem unfortunately.I wish we could find the answer to this as most men want regular sex whilst all too often women are not up for it.
Clearly one needs to re-ignite that romance by going out more often together,go away for week end,send naughty messages to each other,try different positions/places etc etc.
If all fails then you need to see a dr who surely should be able to help.

Reply to XXX

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