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Question
Posted by: moeg | 2012-11-13

my insecurity

I did post a week ago about me being angry and nasty to everone. Thanks for the feedback. We might still have to go see a marrage councelor, but for know we are talking through the issues.

I''m working on my anger and my wife is helping me. The kids, work and financial obligations are stressful, but it is part of life.

My wife loves me, I don''t doubt it. I tend to annoy her when I kiss or thouch her to much. She is hot and I can''t help myself.

I get annoyed when we have no time for sex, at night she is tired, she doesn''t like it in the mornings and the kids wake up to early. The frequency of sex has dried up. When we have tiffs about it she brings up divorce " go get someone else"  and I bring up the fact that she is Bi and want other women. We hurt each other with words and it makes me sad.

I need to learn to be happy with what I have and can''t understand why she can''t see my needs as normal. She says all I think about is sex - she might be right, but at least it is with her and not anybody else!

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Our expert says:
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I hope she isn't perhaps involved, as you say she says she's bi, in a relationship with a woman and not feeling any need for sex with you ?
The couples counselling is still a good idea, and maybe she has additional issues she needs to sort out in individual counselling, as well

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2012-11-13

You say your wife tends to get annoyed when you touch or kiss her and I realise that must be quite hurtful for you.

I feel like i''m on the opposite side of the fence and I thought I would share how I feel about it, maybe your wife feels the same way or maybe it upsets her for a completely different reason.Either way I thought I would share, maybe it can give you some insight that what is happening on her side?

My fiance also like to touch me, hug me from behind, smack my behind playfully, kisses, hugs etc.. the thing is, he''s a big guy and I''m tiny and I get that he''s just trying to show affection but sometimes when I''m tired, or just stood infront of a hot stove or just outrightly irritated because of work/studies and this big guy latches on to me I end up feeling quite helpless/powerless instead of loved and protected. I know he doesn''t do it intentionally, I think 99% of the time he just doesn''t realise his hugs are too tight or that he puts alot of his weight on me when he grabs me from behind etc.
I''ve also been groped by random guys alot, if your wife is attractive like you say, she''s probably suffered the same. It gets frustrating when random strangers feel entitled to touch your body, rub up against you, hell, i''ve even had a guy who would not take ''no thank you'' as his queue to leave me alone lick me in the face and I wasn''t hanging out in dodgy places either..I know my fiance isn''t some random stranger but sometimes it just reaches the point where to me it feels, he think he can grab at me whenever he feels like it to spite that I might just really not be in the mood to be touched at that moment, sometimes it feels a bit degrading.

I do feel bad about it though, it''s not my intention to hurt his feelings or reject him when all he is trying to do is be loving, but it can just get to be too much sometimes, when you feel like you have lost control over your personal space and your body.

About the bisexual thing, I''m also attracted to both genders and the majority of bisexual people I''ve met share me feelings about it in that it''s a ''either/or'' thing and not a ''both'' thing. I have one partner, and I''m completely satisfied with just him. If your worried your wife is longing after a sexual relationship with a woman, please don''t, if she''s bisexual she doesn''t need both to be happy and fullfilled.
If you were just trying to be hurtful with your comment about her sexuality please stop and think carefully. Her sexuality is different from the majority of people in the world, she may have struggled with it in her life (as Kelly''s post makes it clear, people can be quite rude about it) and your using it as ammo when you guys start bickering to critise, blame and belittle her...it''s quite cruel.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Kelly | 2012-11-13

Take a cold shower!

Then try doing things for her.
Things like - the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, making food, dusting ... Surprise her! Women love surprises! Give her flowers, take her for a picnic (even in the back yard), chocolate? but never expect sex after you have given these lol

OH i see she''s into women... maybe arrange a 3sum with another women... ok no, thats not a good idea but why is she with a guy if she''s into women? Well men and women.

I think maybe she needs to see someone to sort her issues out as she surely has some.

Why on earth do people make love, life and marriage so hard for each other!!!?

Reply to Kelly

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