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Question
Posted by: WIFE | 2013-02-13

MY HUSBAND TO BE WAS RAPED

GOODDAY,
I AM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW ON VALENTINES DAY, AND HAVE DEALT WITH A VERY DIFFICULT FIANCE FOR 4 YEARS, HE NEVER OPENED UP TO ME, ONLY YESTERDAY, HE TOLD ME THAT WHEN HE WAS 15 , HE WAS IN A CERTAIN SCHOOL IN THE HOSTEL, ONLY FOR ONE QUARTER.HE TOLD ME THAT HE WAS RAPED BY ONE OF THE ELDERLY BOYS, HE DIDNT KNOW THEM WELL, AND NEVER TOLD ANYONE BEFORE, HE JUST QUIT SCHOOL AND AS RESULT OF NO PROPER EDUCATION, HE CANT GET A JOB. THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM.THE THING IS , HE HATES HIMSELF AND GETS THESE DAYS WHERE HE TAKES A LOW, AND HE SLEEPS 24/7, DONT EAT, HE CRANKY WHEN HE WAKES UP, HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH HIS HAIRLOSS, HIS VEINS ON HIS LEGS, HIS TOE NAILS, HE SAYS HIS WRINKLES IS BOTHERING HIM, WHERE I CAN SEE A MAN OF 28, HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE WRINKLES, NO ONE TALKS ABOUT HIM, ITS ONLY HIMSELF WHO THINK HE IS A FAILURE AND HE IS UGLE, WHERE AS MY SELF, THINKS HE IS SO SEXY, OTHER DAYS HE IS PERFECT, HELP AROUND THE HOUSE, ROMANTIC,CUTE AND FUNNY, . IM JUST SCARED FOR WHAT I AM GETTING INTO NOW, THAT I KNOW THE TRUTH, WE WONT EVER CATCH THAT ANIMAL THAT DID THIS TO HIM TO GET JUSTICE, HE WONT EVER GET A DECENT JOB, HE MIGHT NOT EVEN WANT CHILDREN CAUSE HE IS SCARED HE MIGHT DO THE SAME TO THEM??? HOW DO I HALP HIM, AND HOW DO I HELP MYSELF, I AM SO FREAKED OUT, TOMOROW IS THE BIG DAY. I GUESS ITS TOO LATE TO WITHDRAW NOW, BUT HOW DO I TAKE IT FURTHER.
I DONT HAVE MONEY FOR EXPENSIVE SHRINKS AND PYCOLOGISTS, AND ALL THOSE THINGS. HOW DO I HANDLE HIS LOWS, AND HOW DO I STAY STRONG.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Such awful things, sadly, DO happen. And, also sadly, its common that the victims of such rape and abuse form a very low self-image and low self-esteem.
Pity if its not practical to postpone the marriage - you realy shouldn't have proceeded to marriage with so much unresolved in his problems, even if you didn't know about the origins until recently. EVen before you learned this, going ahead with the wedding sounded like a really bad idea.
The problems are not going to be solved over-night or rapidly. He could and should be helped but probably only by a skilled specialist psychologist, and you ( or rather he ) might be able to locate this through your nearest major state / privincial hospital or medical school. It is HE who needs to rapidly learn to handle his lows better, rather than burdening you entirely with them.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: WIFE | 2013-02-18

THANK YOU FOR THE COMMENTS,
I WAS STRESSED OUT, AND PRAYED , AND GOT MY ANSWER IN THE BIBLE, WE GOT MARRIED, I WILL SUPPORT HIM TRHOUGH WHATEVER HE GOES, CAUSE I BELIEVE HE WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME FOR ME, I AM GOING TO TAKE HIM FOR TREATMENT, AS WELL AS PRAY HARDER FOR US BOTH, NO MARRIAGE IS PERFECT, AND I BELIEVE IF I WOULD HAVE LEFT HIM, HE WOULD HAVE JUST GONE FROM BAD TO WORSE.
FOR NOW, THERE WONT BE ANY KIDS, I WILL TAKE PRECAUTION, AND WILL KNOW WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT.
THANK YOU AGAIN.

Reply to WIFE
Posted by: Raffie | 2013-02-14

In my opinion you are going to burn your fingers more. He does not work but sleeps 24/7. Are you going to support him for the rest of your life.He injoys this life.

Good luck

Reply to Raffie
Posted by: Emsie | 2013-02-13

So very difficult to read CAPS! And Kgee, even worse to try and figure out what you''re trying to say in your very cryptic sms-language...
Anyhow, Wife - there are some major issues that need addressing. If I were you I would have put the wedding (tomorrow!) a bit on the back burner in order to address the many many issues your husband to be raised only very recently. There''s much work to do. He was not honest with you for 4 years (duration of your engagement) and you say that you''ve been ''have dealt with a very difficult fiance during the above time''. Why did he not talk to you earlier? What else is going to surface? The fact that he does not have a job you say is not your problem, but it will become yet another issue very soon. When you have kids, how are you going to deal with your ''very difficult'' husband, all his issues, lack of proper support and finances on top of trying to raise a baby (which you will have to on your own) as he will not cope with it. I can''t say think long and hard as there is no time to think long. But for the last few hours of today, think hard about what you''re letting yourself in for.
Strongs!

Reply to Emsie
Posted by: kgee | 2013-02-13

wife plz its difficult to read capital letters it shows frustration n anger,we understand wat u a going through according to me plz plz plz try all the times to pray for ur husband he needs u more than anyone,he cant forget n forgive those people ,he sees his lyf being useless because he cant plz u financially n other i knw hw difficult it is bt u need help soon as possible ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD all the baest

Reply to kgee

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