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Posted by: Dianne | 2012/10/15

my husband is cleverer than me!

I have been with my husband for 3 years, we have the most adorable 2 year old that brings us so much joy. We love each other and get on but he is much cleverer than me. I have a graphic design diploma and am not stupid, but he has vast amount of knowledge/vocab and a very very extensive knowledge of history. (I barely knew who won the World Wars)I know there is a difference between knowledge and the cognitive ability to solve problems/be innovative.. but i often feel he thinks I am very average (boring perhaps?) and he is smart!! I have been writing down new words and impressive phrases in my diary to memorise. How else can I deal with it?

thanx
Dianne

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

HE IS NOT CLEVERER THAN YOU. If he thinks he's so darn smart, he isn't - really brilliant people are modest and aware of all that they don't know. And only a really insecure person ever needs to make anyone else feel less intelligent. Maybe he remembers things, but you create things, and we need creators far more than we need rememberers !!
Maybe there's a more relevant issue of your lack of slf-esteem and self-respect, where counselling could be useful for you ?

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Another | 2012/10/15

No doubt your Husbands memory is way better than yours too. Guess that''s how he manages to hold on to all his info. Does that make him more superior...absolutely not! Can he handle things the same way as you, probably not. Does he have the same God given tallents as you, probably not. Why did he marry you if your intellect doesn''t challenge him...or is he just playing ''Smart Aleck" ? Certainly won''t help with the building blocks of a sound relationship! Rather speak to him and explain how this makes you feel. I find it strange that ones married partner enjoys this type of behaviour....normally found in rival or stuffy friends. Been there done that....got rid of them now I don''t have to put on a show in their Company...thank you very much!

Reply to Another
Posted by: Purple | 2012/10/15

I find that whenever people try to show off their knowledge they just come across as pompous asses and try to make others feel inferior.

Remember that he married you because he loves you - not because you can quote extensively from boring books that people own just to have in their bookshelves but have never read.

You sound perfectly intelligent, maybe you just need to stop feeling like you are inferior and focus on all the things you are good at. He might have good general knowledge, but perhaps he couldn''t be nearly as creative as you and maybe he sits scouring pinterest to try to impress you?

Reply to Purple
Posted by: XXX | 2012/10/15

He might be " cleverer"  than you in some respects BUT I''m pretty sure you are in other respects.
It does not sound like you are " not clever"  and in any case,he married you,so he cannot be concerned about it.
I would certainly not let this become an issue but if you want to ensure you are up to date on general world events,simply read the newspaper.
Don''t downplay yourself,you seem perfect to me

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/15

HE IS NOT CLEVERER THAN YOU. If he thinks he's so darn smart, he isn't - really brilliant people are modest and aware of all that they don't know. And only a really insecure person ever needs to make anyone else feel less intelligent. Maybe he remembers things, but you create things, and we need creators far more than we need rememberers !!
Maybe there's a more relevant issue of your lack of slf-esteem and self-respect, where counselling could be useful for you ?

Reply to cybershrink

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