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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2010-11-26

My husband has issues

I have been married two years and it has been very hard. I understood it would be hard but surely not this hard. We also have a one year old daughter. I feel that my husband is unreasonable and verbally abusive. He is scorpio and I know they are quiet fiesty but where is the line being being hot headed and abusive?

He is awlays screaming and shouting about things in the house how they are not right. He says I am a lazy person and do nothing. I still do the same job for the same money but work till two so I can look after our baby (we agreed this was the best thing) but then he still says I expect everyhthing to be given to me. I do all the things a wife should do like shopping, cooking, cleaning looking after our child and I pay my own way as far as I can. When I had the baby - he said i thought he was my atm and he made my whole maternity leave a nightmare. I ovioulsy had to relie on him I mean what else is a wife supposed to do.

Anyway it has just got worse and worse and when he fights with me about very small issues they last for days.He doesnt take my calls my aplogies just gives me the silent treatment. He never aplologieses and he makes life so unpleasant. I try to give him the benifit of the doubt as he does run his own business and we all know things are stressful and tight finacially but why do you have to take it out on your loved one. Is this how a marriage is supposed to be? I come from a big loving family where we help each other out. We dont speak badly to each other and put people down. How did I end up with someone like this? Can he change or is this just marriage and I have to just grin and bear it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He sounds like a very unpleaant man - and his unpleasantness lies in his ugly personality and bad upbringing and bad habits, including a lack of respect for wimen. It has NOTHING WHATEVER to do with him "being Scorpio". And that's good, because someone can change their behaviopur and bad habits, but they can't change their date of birth ! And I'm sure he would be equally unpleasant with any woman unfortunate enough to mary him.
I don;'t see how any astrologer could help, other than by giving more gobbledegook - if his "Sun is in conflict with his Moon", how exactly would an astrologer usefully change that ? I agree with Huh - star signs are fluffy entertainment and too often used as excuses. "Don't expect me to change my bad behaviour - I can't help it, I'm a Scorpio !" Jus because other people use religion or other beliefs as excuses doesn't make it right to do so.
There is ABSOLUTELY NO proof of the truth of ANY of the astrology beliefs, and quite a bit of good proof that they are hooey.
If he might agree to take part in marriage counselling, for Pete's sake do it with a recognized orthodox marriage counsellor, and not any sort of astrologer.
If he rejects counselling, it's not because he's a man but because he is foolish and pig-headed.
Yopu may need legal advice, but if he behaves as badly as you describe, it would probably not be considered desertion but self-preservation for you and the child to return to your family.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2011-01-11

Sounds alot like my husband and I''ve stuck around for 7 yrs, as I dont have a choice. Why did i get married??? I ask myself that question everyday. You have a loving family so Im sure they will support you if you leave him, rather get out before you know it it will be several yrs and you still feel the same. And as for making your maternity leave misrable that should have made you leave then and there.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-11-27

He sounds like a very unpleaant man - and his unpleasantness lies in his ugly personality and bad upbringing and bad habits, including a lack of respect for wimen. It has NOTHING WHATEVER to do with him "being Scorpio". And that's good, because someone can change their behaviopur and bad habits, but they can't change their date of birth ! And I'm sure he would be equally unpleasant with any woman unfortunate enough to mary him.
I don;'t see how any astrologer could help, other than by giving more gobbledegook - if his "Sun is in conflict with his Moon", how exactly would an astrologer usefully change that ? I agree with Huh - star signs are fluffy entertainment and too often used as excuses. "Don't expect me to change my bad behaviour - I can't help it, I'm a Scorpio !" Jus because other people use religion or other beliefs as excuses doesn't make it right to do so.
There is ABSOLUTELY NO proof of the truth of ANY of the astrology beliefs, and quite a bit of good proof that they are hooey.
If he might agree to take part in marriage counselling, for Pete's sake do it with a recognized orthodox marriage counsellor, and not any sort of astrologer.
If he rejects counselling, it's not because he's a man but because he is foolish and pig-headed.
Yopu may need legal advice, but if he behaves as badly as you describe, it would probably not be considered desertion but self-preservation for you and the child to return to your family.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Confused | 2010-11-26

Thanks for your answers its not that I believe in astrology too much I just always put it down to a character thing what do you do if they think its lokay and their behaviour is normal. Can you just leave with your child and go to your folks arent there implications like desertion ect? I am keen for counciling but he is a man and wont have it .....

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Huh? | 2010-11-26

The problem is not in the astroligical charts or alingment of stars or whatever. He needs to change his attitudes and behaviour. It has nothing to do with the stars. Using religion as an excuse for one''s behaviour is just as lame. People need to take responsibility for their attitudes and actions and not always look for excuses and scapegoats. He needs therapy, not a crystal ball

Reply to Huh?
Posted by: Bboy | 2010-11-26

I hav a suggestion why don''t you do nothing and show him how lazy you can, be lazy and let him do his own thing, go for a week or two to your mother''s let him cope alone, coz he IS abusive nevermind star signs, reason I am telling you this is becoz my wife did it and boy did I fall appart, I also hav a stressful job but it is no way to treat your wife the mother of your children. Now I cook, I clean, hell I even do the baby sitting while see goes off to the salon or spa to relax.. try it he won''t die neither will you

Reply to Bboy
Posted by: Gemini | 2010-11-26

I only mentioned an astrologist as she stated he is a Scorpio so obviously this is an important belief of hers.
I think there are relationship astrology councelors therefore this maybe an option. They may need to consult their astrological charts to see what the problem is.
Purple :I think it is unkind to state there is no such thing as a reputable astrologist.Many people use religion as an excuse for there behaviour, which is also a belief, but are not accused as being lame.

Reply to Gemini
Posted by: Huh? | 2010-11-26

Forget about contacting a " reputable astrologist" . There is no such thing as a reputable astrologist. Using your star sign as an excuse for your behaviour is very lame. I think couples counselling may be a good option.

Reply to Huh?
Posted by: Purple | 2010-11-26

He sounds like he''s really mean to you. Perhaps write him a letter (if he shouts like that he won''t listen while you talk) and say what things upset you and why.

you seem to have a very definite idea about what mens and womens roles are and he doesn''t seem to live up to what you think a mans role should be. Speak to him about what he thinks mens and womens roles are.

You could also try counsellling. Sometimes it can help to have a third party mediating in your discussions. Don''t use someone untrained like a church councelor, but rather use an organisation like FAMSA or see a psychologist who deals with marriage problems.

His star sign is just a fun thing to look at, it really doesn''t say anything about his personality.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Gemini | 2010-11-26

Please contact a reputatable astrologist, not all Scorpios are like this. Maybe his Sun is in conflict with his Moon or something.You would have been okay with a Taurean.

Reply to Gemini

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