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Question
Posted by: Jason | 2010-12-07

My girlfriend: spoilt, ungrateful - or both?

My girlfriend recently mentioned to me that I have never given her flowers in the year that we have been together. She said that a friend of hers was " horrified"  when she told her and that the friend''s ex-boyfriend used to buy her flowers regularly. In fact I cut some flowers out of my garden and gave them to her 2 weeks before. But I was told that those were past their sell-by date and died the next day.

Altough business has been slow this year, I have spent roughly R11000 of my own time working on a website for her business, making pamphlets, adverts etc and helping her get her business off the ground - but all this has been overlooked. 2 months ago I spent R2000 on a weekend away for us. This girl doesn''t pay for anything in her own house - parents pay for everything - electricity, water, car insurance. She even eats at their house every night. She has also once complained about food my parents have given me and refused to eat it.

I''m at my wit''s end here - what do you do with someone like this? I''m ready to end it right now.

Any advice would be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Of course she is quoting the little known section o the Constitution that makes it compulsory for all men to send flowers to all women at least once a month. And I notice her emphasis on BUYING her flowers, rather than the much more romantic gesture of giing her some from her garden. Sounds like an immature and high-maintenance girl, terribly aware of what she thinks people should give her, and maybe under-aware of what she should give to others.
You have done too much for her. ( as to the website work, when doing something expensive but free for a friend, I like the policy that was in use when I worked in Canada, where the provincial health insurance paid your medical costs - but you still received a detailed bill, to show you what it had cost, and a note saying that the bill had been paid by the people of Ontario - so you remembered that nothing is "free". )
She sounds like a spoiled brat who will collapse in horror if ever she has to pay for herself.
What one does with someone like that is to briefly explain to her than she is spoiled immature, greedy and disrespectful of others, give her a bill for all that work you did for her ( marked paid in full by Jason ) and tell her that you cannot afford to keep her as spoiled as she expects to be. Then say Goodbye.
What is the point in maintaining a relatiomnship with someone like this ?

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7
Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2016-03-10

Unfortunately you're in a situation where you love her and find it hard to break up with her. All the advice before me holds merit and I will add one more thing. When you break up with her due to her inability to simply say "Thank You" you will find much relief and happiness and your days will be brighter. What I'm hearing from you boarders the line of mental abuse through manipulation. If you continue to stay, things in my opinion will get much worse. Stay Strong and strive for your own happiness. Go out and do the things you like to do and you will find someone with commonalities.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Investment advisor | 2010-12-07

Move in with her,rent free with food.
Spend 20% of your income on her.
Invest 80% of your income for yourself.
Leave after one year with huge profit

Reply to Investment advisor
Posted by: Tumi | 2010-12-07

she is ungrateful and spoilt. You sound like you a great guy and she is too blind to see that. You have done more than enough for her to be compared to not getting flowers. Find someone who will appreciate you. There are many ladies who are longing for a supporting, loving and caring partner like you.

Talk to her and make it clear how her behaviour makes you feel and if she is not willing to attend to your feelings and see how this hurt you, then i suggest you cut your losses and move on.

Gudluck!

Reply to Tumi
Posted by: Chippy | 2010-12-07

Hi Jason,

It sounds like she is a spoiled brat. I think you have done your part, with the resources that you had and it was unappreciated.

You have to talk to her and perhaps save the relationship, or move on. Hope you can work something out.

Reply to Chippy
Posted by: Maria | 2010-12-07

What do you do with someone like this? You dump her. Clearly she is immature and used to getting whatever she wants from mommy and daddy. You will never be able to compete with that.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Kate | 2010-12-07

End it, she is plain rude, spoilt and has no manners.Esp. ungrateful

Reply to Kate
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-12-07

Of course she is quoting the little known section o the Constitution that makes it compulsory for all men to send flowers to all women at least once a month. And I notice her emphasis on BUYING her flowers, rather than the much more romantic gesture of giing her some from her garden. Sounds like an immature and high-maintenance girl, terribly aware of what she thinks people should give her, and maybe under-aware of what she should give to others.
You have done too much for her. ( as to the website work, when doing something expensive but free for a friend, I like the policy that was in use when I worked in Canada, where the provincial health insurance paid your medical costs - but you still received a detailed bill, to show you what it had cost, and a note saying that the bill had been paid by the people of Ontario - so you remembered that nothing is "free". )
She sounds like a spoiled brat who will collapse in horror if ever she has to pay for herself.
What one does with someone like that is to briefly explain to her than she is spoiled immature, greedy and disrespectful of others, give her a bill for all that work you did for her ( marked paid in full by Jason ) and tell her that you cannot afford to keep her as spoiled as she expects to be. Then say Goodbye.
What is the point in maintaining a relatiomnship with someone like this ?

Reply to cybershrink

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