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Question
Posted by: jerk | 2008/05/27

my gf, her birthday and the shoes

I have a huge a problem, which started as a small problem -i have a girlfriend that i dearly loved.....this week is her birthday...i was planning to take her out and get her a present you know ...but this week she saw the boots that the wanted and asked me to buy her...i was forced to divulge the fact that --that was not what i had in mind as i am looking to spoil her on her birthday..so if i am to buy her the boots she will forfeit her big day...by the way i am not really loaded but i do recognize the importance of a birthday as opposed to shoes....

yesterday ..she phoned me and she bought her boots, however she told me that she need a gold tooth for her birthday, i am not into that kind of stuff i told her look if you do it, it is okay if you are doing it for you but i am not into that kind of stuff hence i am not in a position to fund that project....maybe i could have been a little sensetive i don't know

but the thing is i said i am not loaded and i would prefer spoiling her on her birthday but all of this demands are making it impossible. i now feel like a looser who cannot spoil his girlfriend.

i love my girlfriend but she has this way of making me feel inadequate and i hate this feeling...am i being unreasonable by expecting her to pay for her own gold tooth...i know she can afford it, this has happened too often that i am thinking of ending it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: JOZI | 2008/05/27

Go to Game stores and buy a gift voucher with the amount you intend spending on her. Popie you are a gold digger who cannot stand up and do everything for yourself

Reply to JOZI
Posted by: ANON | 2008/05/27

Jerk u a good guy if i must say. Going through so much of trouble and yet she is so " demanding " in a sense. She is obviously not concerned in the fact whether u financially ok or not when it comes to buying gifts. Sometimes in a relationship it helps to understand the other persons situation and not make unreasoble demands. She should be greatfull youa re still taking her out for dinner..an so fort, be it like my relationship where your birthday does not even get remembered. Hey shit happens to some of us.

Reply to ANON
Posted by: jerk | 2008/05/27

thanks guys, i like all your responses, i could be wrong but the thing is a birthday - is a big deal - i mean there could be a lot more days to buys boots and gold this and bling that...i think poppy is right to a certain extent , i do want to buy her something i like...hopefully surprise her a bit..but what is the point of a present if you already know what it is....." i was thinking along the lines of " a nice quite time away from both our flats .......later on a romatic movie away from our usually movie theatre ....later a present --a neclace...and watch ---i am not talking cheap stuff ....

but i will reevaluate the situation and with all your responses i think i am in a better position to make that decision

Reply to jerk
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/05/27

as a girl/women, i think she should not expect you to buy her boots if she can easily afford it. my boyfriend spoils me, but in limits of his means. when i say spoil, i mean taking me for an ice cream or filling the bath for. those are the things in life that are priceless. gold teeth look cheap, but hey, to each his own. dont feel inadequite, you a gem of a guy for wanting to spoil her on her birthday, and dont ever let her childish attitude make you think otherwise. i think tho that you need to explain to her that this is your affordability and if she feels that she cannot live with that, then she needs to let you know. Then take it from ther.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: Carla | 2008/05/27

I agree and disagree with Poppie. Yes, it is better to get her something that she wants, but is not a requirement to buy her anything expensive that you cannot afford or anything that you truly do not like and cannot live with. If you get her something that she picked herself it is better than spending money on something she will never use but you do not have to put yourself in debt for that. Also giving gifts are a choice - you decide IF you want to give it and what you want to give and how much you want to spend. It is not her right to receive one. or demand that anything specifically be bought.

My suggestion: decide how much you can afford to pay for a gift. Then take her shopping on her birthday and tell her that she can pick anything with a maximum amount of what you can afford. If she wants something more expensive, offer to contribute towards the item, but she must pay the rest.

Any reasonable girl will understand that you have a budget and will appreciate the idea that you want to spoil her. Gifts are gifts and should be accepted with the good intention with wich it was given. No matter how cheap or unwanted. If your gf is unhappy with her gift then she is a selfish and ungrateful lady and you will be better of without her.

If she makes you feel financially inadequate then she is only a fortune seeker and in any case not worthy of you.

Reply to Carla
Posted by: David | 2008/05/27

Poppy he is talking about the financial aspect here, he is NOT loaded and was planning something for her that he can afford, is it not the gift you get but the thought that goes into it?

Jerk, as your finances allow, still do what you want to do. I think you are a very kind and considerate boyfriend.

Reply to David
Posted by: Poppie | 2008/05/27

Your problem is you want to buy your girlfriend what you want her to have in stead of buying her what she wants. Is the whole point not getting her what she wants as oppose to what you want?

The reason (and it's not a demand) she mentions what she wants is because most men dont have a clue when it comes to gifts what would be right, so she is trying to help you.

I love the sentence "it was not what I had in mind" once again is this your birthday or is it hers?

What is shitter than wanting something for your birthday and getting something you dont want? Are you going to use what "you had in mind" or is she going to use what she would like?

How proud would you not have been seeing her walking in the boots you had bought her for her birthday? Boots also dont just last one season or one winter but year after year.

Yes, maybe you should end it as if something this small makes you think you must end it you aint a boyfriends arse.

Reply to Poppie

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