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Question
Posted by: Barbie | 2011-10-19

My future step father- needs an intervention?


Hi there, I wrote in a while ago about my future step father that drinks (and tries to hide it), lies about phantom friends he’ s out with, comes home DRUNK and fights with everyone, etc. He was good for a week…  but then last night he was up to his old tricks again- I got a phone call from my sister asking can’ t my Mom come stay over at my house because she (my sister) didn’ t think my mother would be safe with him in that mood. He threw a computer screen at my sister!!! Then he eats a whole lot of pills and puts up on Facebook publicly attacking my mother! His stupid friends, who don’ t know the circumstances, are all cooey with him and feel sorry for him, while my sisters and I are feverishly trying to defend my mother who quite frankly does NOT deserve this, but also probably isn’ t strong enough to kick him out (he is living and eating for free at her house). He doesn’ t even care about anything except himself- the car she gave him three years ago is still under her name and there are fines outstanding on it- it’ s like he doesn’ t even care about the legal implications for my mother!!! Since he starting drinking again (while he was still living in another province, still under the pretence that he WASN’ T drinking) my mother has had to be on high blood pressure medication and antidepressants.

She was going to take him out and speak to him about what he''s doing, but then he was good for the week. We don’ t even want to go to my mom’ s house anymore because we don’ t want to see him. Is there anyway we can force him into rehab or something- he has a SERIOUS drinking problem and he is getting violent now.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sadly, the story is familiar to anyone who has worked with alcoholics or who has one in the family.
Lets see - you call him your FUTURE step-father, so he presumably isnt married to her yet.
And if its HER house and in her name, she can have him evicted by the police, and forbidden by a court order / injunction, from ever returning or harassing her in any way, IF she chooses ( wisely ) to do this. If he is defaming her on facebook, she could take legal action against him, and facebook could be asked to remove offensive or defamatory material.
If his dubious friends think he's so great they will of course be delighted to have him live with them.
If he's swallowing a bunch of pills, someone must be supplying him with those pills, for some reason. Either they're illegal ( and the police should be interested ) or some doctor is prescribing them for him, perhaps not knowing the full truth about how he is behaving. Some meds should not be combined with alcohol. His doc could be contacted to inform him of what is going on.
If he is committing offenses in a car she gave him, well if its still in her na,e then it isn'this, and she could demand that he return it, and if he doesn't she can report it to the police as stolen.
"Speaking" to him probably won't help, and assuming that all action against him should be suspended because he's ood for a week, is silly. He remains an irresponsible alcoholic, and a danger to her.
If he commits ANY criminal act, whether drunk or not, he can be charged and dealt with by the police. I doubt that YOU could force him into rehab ( or even your mom ) as you / they don't have legal standfing to use the existing laws to do so. Once she married him, perhaps she might do so, but she should at all costs avoid marrying him. His psychiatrist ( if that is who is supplying his drugs ) or GP ( ditto ) could theoretically consider this option.
Best would be to use the law to have im excluded from her home and life, and help her to move on, to feel self-sufficient, and wait for someone decent to come into her life


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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2011-10-19

lf your mother does not want to go through with this marriage see a lawyer.
lf she does want to marry him you are stuffed!

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-10-19

Sadly, the story is familiar to anyone who has worked with alcoholics or who has one in the family.
Lets see - you call him your FUTURE step-father, so he presumably isnt married to her yet.
And if its HER house and in her name, she can have him evicted by the police, and forbidden by a court order / injunction, from ever returning or harassing her in any way, IF she chooses ( wisely ) to do this. If he is defaming her on facebook, she could take legal action against him, and facebook could be asked to remove offensive or defamatory material.
If his dubious friends think he's so great they will of course be delighted to have him live with them.
If he's swallowing a bunch of pills, someone must be supplying him with those pills, for some reason. Either they're illegal ( and the police should be interested ) or some doctor is prescribing them for him, perhaps not knowing the full truth about how he is behaving. Some meds should not be combined with alcohol. His doc could be contacted to inform him of what is going on.
If he is committing offenses in a car she gave him, well if its still in her na,e then it isn'this, and she could demand that he return it, and if he doesn't she can report it to the police as stolen.
"Speaking" to him probably won't help, and assuming that all action against him should be suspended because he's ood for a week, is silly. He remains an irresponsible alcoholic, and a danger to her.
If he commits ANY criminal act, whether drunk or not, he can be charged and dealt with by the police. I doubt that YOU could force him into rehab ( or even your mom ) as you / they don't have legal standfing to use the existing laws to do so. Once she married him, perhaps she might do so, but she should at all costs avoid marrying him. His psychiatrist ( if that is who is supplying his drugs ) or GP ( ditto ) could theoretically consider this option.
Best would be to use the law to have im excluded from her home and life, and help her to move on, to feel self-sufficient, and wait for someone decent to come into her life


Reply to cybershrink

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