Our expert says:
If this is a newly arisen problem, it sounds as though what has changed isn't your chil's behaviour, so much as your expectations ( perhaps not altogether realistic ) and your toleration of normal child behaviour. Have you been otherwise more under stress lately, perhaps more anxious and depressed for other reasons, but directly affecting your relationship with your child ?
You are not being a terrible parent, not at all. Burt she does sopund spoiled and intelligent enough to use the situations to her advantage, You need to work with your husband to be sure that you jointly clarify a number of basic rules for the child, with positive consequences for keping to the rules, and negaive consequences to not keeping to them, and BOTH of you operating the same way. At 5 she's too old for this behaviour, more typical of a younger child. She should be grooming herself, combing her own hair, putting on her own lotion. And of course you shoudln't be feeding her. If she doesn't come to a meal at a reasonable time and feed herself, then she can go hungry until the next mealtime.
Dad needs to stop spoiling her --- if he wants her to become a great child and then a great woman, he should save the gifts and treats he spoils her with, as rewards for consistent good behaviour which must include respecting and obeying mom. And the gifts should be seen as coming from BOTH of you, not simply from him.
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