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Question
Posted by: Mandy | 2010/10/06

My Father

A few months ago I posted here about my horrible father. My father has a drinking problem and he is a pensioner. Involved with Loan Sharks and what not. He came to me beginning of Sept. He has been staying with us before, but every month when it''s pension he disappears or he is so ugly drunk, pee-ing all over and when we talked to him about it, he decided me and hubby wants to control him, so he will move, well he moved and all for months but rocked up there beginning Sept. He never had a cent on him. We let him in and he has been there by us ever since. Well I spoke to him nice and he “ promised”  to basically come right. He will drink less and just want to be a better person. We honestly believed it. He has been doing this for years on end, ever since my mom passed away and every time he comes to me as I have other siblings, but it''s only my father. When he is drunk he is quite rude man, but if he is with us, he kinda get drunk “ normal”  Well Friday was Pension day and he promised to get his money and come “ home”  Not that e want''s his money, but come home and buy your drink and sit at home like normal people, after all he is 65 already, so why wanna drink in the street and get p*ss drunk and come home looking like sh*t. Well he never come home Friday, Sat and rocked up there drunk as a lord on Sunday afternoon......... So he wants me and my husband to accept it. Monday he was sober although I asked him to leave, but ok I gave him the benefit of the doubt, so me and hubby just left him. We also take a drink and as we have alcohol in the house, we MUST ALWAYS hide it. Yesterday my dad “ stole”  the alcohol out of the cupbaord (very deep) and when we got home he was p*ss drunk, and the DOORS WAS WIDE OPEN. He was too drunk to lock and see to things. The house looked like sh*t. Oh and he just had to pee the couch where he fell asleep wet. Well this morning I told hubby I am gonna wake him up and he must go. WHERE I DO NOT KNOW!!!!!!!!! I felt so bad when I “ put”  him out this morning, but he does it EVERY TIME TO ME........It causes friction between me and hubby and the children are even unhappy. Was I wrong to put him out. I really feel so bad, but really I have such a history with my dad doing this time and again.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, he needs to recognize that when a man allows himself to become so weak that he fails to exercise self-control, you bet other people will try to control him - especially when he pees over their things. YOu need to establish with him, that if he wants to live entirely by his own rules and make his own mess, he must do it somewhere else, somehow. If he wants to live with you it is your home, and your rules. And that includes paying in advance towards his lodging and food, by giving his pension directly to you, and receiving an agreed smaller amount of pocket money each week. And if he arrives home reeling drunk, he will not be allowed in unyil he is sober. Try doing a web search on "Tough Love"
Stealng anything, including alcohol, will be grounds for leaving the house. And he MUST get into a rehab program and join AA, so as to be able to give up this expensive and ugly habit . Merely promising to be good is worthless.
You are no wrong to put him out if he behaves as you describe - it is wrong for him to expect you to accept all his misbehavior.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Mints | 2010/10/07

Why don''t you get your act together in the first place. You know he is bad news. You know he won''t ever change his ways. You know he won''t stop taking advantage of you and hubby. You know he will always be nasty to you. Yet you always allow him back. You are punishing yourself and complaining about it. Put ur foot down and send him off and don''t give any more chances. He knows you are such a sucker and will fall for his apologies everytime.

You need to stand up tall and decide on wether you want to go through this all the time and be treated like s*h*i*t or not. It is up to you.

I know it is your father, but you need to see the real, bigger picture here.

Reply to Mints
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/06

Well, he needs to recognize that when a man allows himself to become so weak that he fails to exercise self-control, you bet other people will try to control him - especially when he pees over their things. YOu need to establish with him, that if he wants to live entirely by his own rules and make his own mess, he must do it somewhere else, somehow. If he wants to live with you it is your home, and your rules. And that includes paying in advance towards his lodging and food, by giving his pension directly to you, and receiving an agreed smaller amount of pocket money each week. And if he arrives home reeling drunk, he will not be allowed in unyil he is sober. Try doing a web search on "Tough Love"
Stealng anything, including alcohol, will be grounds for leaving the house. And he MUST get into a rehab program and join AA, so as to be able to give up this expensive and ugly habit . Merely promising to be good is worthless.
You are no wrong to put him out if he behaves as you describe - it is wrong for him to expect you to accept all his misbehavior.

Reply to cybershrink

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