Our expert says:
It sounds inappropiate for your family to acept the old customs enough to accept payment of lobola, but apparently to neglect their other duties according to the same set of customs. I'm sure you can be legally married on your own ; the presence of other family members is not required by law, but by tradition --- the traditions they seem to be ignoring, irrespective of the difficulties this causes to you. They are being very inconsiderate, and presumabyl you need to talk wthis over with your parents, and make sure they understand how you are affected by their failures
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