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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/04

my ex taking me for a ride?

Long story, quick version. Got divorced in January and my ex husband now lives in another province. He commutes every third weekend to see kids and stays in my house for FREE, does not offer a cent, a grain of rice,sugar etc. etc!! He is free to get kids to fly to him on his weekends and during holidays which he has done once already. He has paid his maintenance on time up until now however he is now asking me to allow him to short pay me (by a big amount) for the next two months and then to pay me back over 6 months the balance. If I really am strict with my budget and cut out some kids extravagances like take aways, movies,cut down airtime I could afford to take the cut but I think I am just being a doormat again and allowing him liberties. He claims he is going to be short financially however I know he has just bought some " miracle anti ageing"  treatment for R1500.00 and put R7000.00 into his credit card. He has never been responsible with money and gets himself into huge debt by being impulsive.Should I be kind and help him out or do I put my foot down and refuse. I hat having him stay here when he visits kids but I do it as he can' t afford to rent somewhere and the kids prefer being in their own home. Surely by doing that I have and are giving more than my fair share

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he can afford to pay for the kids to fly to visit him I it isn't your fault he moved to another province ) he can afford to pay towards the costs of your hosting him. I prefer that maintenance issues be laid down by the maintenance court, then he has to kep to the agreed terms. And if there is a very good reason for him delaying part payment, the court could compel him to pay back what he owes, should he "forget| to do so.
And when you say ( I wonder how you know, if he lives in another province ? ) that he has put R 7000 into his credit card and wasted R 1400 on anti-aging rubbish, then he need not take a loan from what he owes to you and his children, to do so. You;d best get a legal opinion, and the maintenance court could advise, but you'd be perfectly reasonable to refuse to accept short payments. Sounds like there's another woman on the scene --- men don't use anti-aging products so as to look gorgeous at work

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/05

I am not divorced but want to add my 5 cents here... dont allow him to reduce your maintenance, you need that money to survive and it was his choice to move to another province, so he should make arrangements as to where he is going to stay if he comes to see his children. I dont think he should be staying with you but I am sure that he has some friends he can stay with??? Dont be browbeaten by him saying that he will reduce his maintenance with the excuse that he has to pay for accommodation when he comes to see his kids. It was his choice to move away

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/04

I guess I thought by letting him stay here I could also get to keep an eye on the kids and he was threatening to reduce his maintenance offer if he had to pay for accomodation when visitng them. No where in the maintenance agreement does it say I have to let him stay or that the maintenance amount would be reduced but at that stage I justed wanted the divorce finished and I felt the kids have been through so much heartache already and he wouldn' t hesitate to say to them that their Mother (as I' m now called by him!!) wouldn' t let him stay here. I desperately want him to find alternative accomodation as he treats MY home like his own and you' d swear he' d never left. plus I can' t get on with my life properly. I' m sure the anti aging is for a dame as he had started this kind of thing 3 years prior to the divorce with the purchase of " male enhancement products"  which where definitely not being used in the marital home!!!!!!

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: JB | 2009/06/04

No matter what. He must pay and do it in time. The children always come first, including their entertainment. Its part of their education. Stick strictly to the court order. It was put in place for a good reason. His problems are his. Let him go and bumm somewhere else. Concerning his staying over at your place: where are his friends and family? (I am a husband and father.)

Reply to JB

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