Our expert says:
Well obviously you made a really wise decision to leave such a dreadful and brutal loser. An abusive serial cheater is someone no woman deserves.
I believe that the sort of very intermittent visiting of a child by a parent that you describe is not a good idea at all, as it gives the child many occasions to feel rejected, and to blame herself for him staying away. He needs to make up his min about whether he wants to try to be a reasonably responsible parent - and then maybe its best for a court to decide this, as well as maintenance, so as to set down a decision rather than leaving it up to his whims.
Now, I understand your decision, but it depends on what he does and whether he gets acess to good legal advice.
Access to the child can be decided by the court if he applies for it, on the basis of what would be best for the child, not on what one or other parent wants - but if he didn't use whatever access waas granted to him, he might lose it, and you would have a chance to challenge his application in court. IF he chose to go to so much trouble.
Access is not linked to maintenance - he could be made by a court to pay maintenance even if it did not grant him access, and you would not be entitled to withhold access ( if it were for the child's benefit ) whether or not he paid maintenance. Maintenance paid does NOt automatically give him any right to see the child - that should be a separate decision based on the child's best interests.
If he is the sort of guy you describe, I see nothing at all stupid in your not wishing further personal contact with him, or in being cautious about his access to the child
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