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Question
Posted by: mel | 2010/05/05

My daughter is not listerning to me

I wrote to this forum many months ago and got some advice from one of the readers. They said i must try and be my daughters friend instat of controlling her. So i have tried being her friend. Its is not working she is still doing all the wrong things over and over again. It is so bad now that she is not even want to attend her classses anymore. She is in matric and she is about to be deregistered from writing the exam. Her pricipal said if she do''nt atten classes every day she will not write the exam. She is continuously staying out of school. She is writing exam now end of may and did not go to school again. I am a single mother that can not stay at home. As soon as i leave home for work she decides to stay at home. She has a boyfriend thats she will go out of her way for him not sleep at home not go to school just to be with him. I have tried being his friend as well but that is not working as well. Any other advise for me in how to deal with this problem.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi Mel,

I would recommend that you speak with your family doctor about a referral to a therapist if your daughter will agree to go. Alternatively you could see a therapist to get some parenting advice.

At this stage it is also worth recognising that your daughter is making decisions of her own and that she needs to be aware of the possible consequences. You should not be bailing her out of her own bad decisions and you need to let her know that. As a parent being her friend is going to damage the authority between you and her. She has friends of her own and it is important that she respects you as her mother.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sam | 2010/05/21

Hi mel

I''m not sure if trying to be your daughter''s friend is the right way to go. I was a rebellious teen and what I know for sure is if my folks hadn''t been as strict as they were I would have ended up in some seerious trouble - pregnancy, drugs, etc. At the time I hated it but now, at 30, I am so grateful that they loved me enough to ignore my screaming, crying and whining when I didn''t get my way and discciplin me instead.

One thing: when you are strict be strict, don''t be wishy-washy. When my folks said something they meant it, if I was grounded, I was grounded no arguments, etc. Teens don t need more friends, they need parents.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Me | 2010/05/14

Hi Mel. I know the feeling. I constantly get calls from the school or hostel complaining about my daughter. I have set clear boundries and if she over steps I punish her but then I am the worst " thing"  and most unfair and who knows what else in the world. I have gone to see Head Mistress of school with daughter and she promised the world. Still got a detention again this week. I have now taken her phone away and told her dad that lives overseas that he must now assist me. I am almost at a stage where I feel like throwing her out my house. I know I wont but we just dont get along. Yes she has been to therapy but just empty promises made again. I am tired of her behaviour and dont know what to do anymore. Should one just leave them to learn lessons the hard way and take consequenses as per their actions. Yees I do not know anymore.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Me | 2010/05/14

Hi Mel. I know the feeling. I constantly get calls from the school or hostel complaining about my daughter. I have set clear boundries and if she over steps I punish her but then I am the worst " thing"  and most unfair and who knows what else in the world. I have gone to see Head Mistress of school with daughter and she promised the world. Still got a detention again this week. I have now taken her phone away and told her dad that lives overseas that he must now assist me. I am almost at a stage where I feel like throwing her out my house. I know I wont but we just dont get along. Yes she has been to therapy but just empty promises made again. I am tired of her behaviour and dont know what to do anymore. Should one just leave them to learn lessons the hard way and take consequenses as per their actions. Yees I do not know anymore.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Teen expert | 2010/05/08

Hi Mel,

I would recommend that you speak with your family doctor about a referral to a therapist if your daughter will agree to go. Alternatively you could see a therapist to get some parenting advice.

At this stage it is also worth recognising that your daughter is making decisions of her own and that she needs to be aware of the possible consequences. You should not be bailing her out of her own bad decisions and you need to let her know that. As a parent being her friend is going to damage the authority between you and her. She has friends of her own and it is important that she respects you as her mother.

Reply to Teen expert

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