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Question
Posted by: BMasky | 2012/05/18

my daughter

My daughter was caught with alcohol at school. I am a single parent and do not drink unless on special events. She might face expulsion.. I have already punished her by taking away her favorite things but now how do I love her or comfort(she cries allt the time now) yet be firm with regards to what she did. Facing her peers and the fact that shes no longer going to school due to the suspension until the hearing is punishment enough even...Please help me help my daughter, I do not want her to end up doing a more stupid thing like kill herself or run away...All this just made me extremly sad and depressed because I thought as a parent I am doing my best all I can for them.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, she did something foolish and unhelpful and which can cause harm to her and trouble at school. Most kids do at least something stupid in out schooldays ( and later in life, too !). She is probably feling she's in a disasterous situation and that she may not deserve your love and support. Make it directly and rapidly clear to her that though you also wish she had not done this, its not going to be the end of the world, that you still love her and will support and help her, and that the pair of you need to work together to sort this out.
As a parent its not your fault that this happened, but you can help - to speak to the school and find out how the hearing is run and how you can prepare for it, ensure that they agree ( as I suspect they would have to do, by law ) that you at least can be there to support and help advise her through such a hearing. Then you can rehearse with her what questions they might ask, and what would be the best way to answer them. Rehearse with her what she thinks her friends might say, and how best to answer them. Facing one's fears, and preparing how best to deal with them, is always helpful

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gracie | 2012/05/22

No matter what our kids do that is wrong, we must still love and support them. I am sure she knows she did a really foolish thing and regrets it. Give her all the love and support she needs, but she must understand that such behaviour is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. You are not a bad parent - being a single parent is extremely difficult at the best of times. Good luck to you and your daughter!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/19

OK, she did something foolish and unhelpful and which can cause harm to her and trouble at school. Most kids do at least something stupid in out schooldays ( and later in life, too !). She is probably feling she's in a disasterous situation and that she may not deserve your love and support. Make it directly and rapidly clear to her that though you also wish she had not done this, its not going to be the end of the world, that you still love her and will support and help her, and that the pair of you need to work together to sort this out.
As a parent its not your fault that this happened, but you can help - to speak to the school and find out how the hearing is run and how you can prepare for it, ensure that they agree ( as I suspect they would have to do, by law ) that you at least can be there to support and help advise her through such a hearing. Then you can rehearse with her what questions they might ask, and what would be the best way to answer them. Rehearse with her what she thinks her friends might say, and how best to answer them. Facing one's fears, and preparing how best to deal with them, is always helpful

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: mommy myself | 2012/05/18

Dont feel bad about your parenting.
Didn''t all of us do stupid things in our younger days?
Its normal - not right - but very normal!
I think she feels bad enough - start now by just letting her know you still love her and dont think any less of her.

Reply to mommy myself

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