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Question
Posted by: Ragdoll | 2012/05/25

My dad''s wife from hell.

Hallo Cybershrink

I hope that all is well on your side.

I can make this a long and tyring story (but I''ll spare you that). I''m 42 years old and happiliy married.

My dad and mom divorced over 26 year ago. My dad has remarried and they have been together for almost 15 years.

I have never really built a relationship with my dad''s wife (based on numerous things). Two weeks ago my dad had a very bad accident. He fell from a ladder (he is 68 years old) and hurt himself badly. From the moment the accident happened, she opted to correspond with my husband leaving me completely out of the picture. I''m an only child ... My husband has had to ask her numerous times to communicate my dad''s condition directly with me but to no avail.

My dad in the meantime had surgery and is recovering at home. He went to get a new cast fitted to his leg today and for the first time could see what the wound looks like. My dad''s wife took a picture of the wound and zip ... sends it off to everyone except me! Again, I''m left totally clueless until I get a phone call from my husband wanting to know what I think of my dad''s wound...

My dad''s wife has also invited my husband on Facebook to be a friend (which he diplomatically accepted) - but she did not invite me. She leaves my husband message on how my dad is doing, but again keeps my out of the loop.

I''m SO sick and tired of this. It has been ongoing for years and I think my dad has just kind of given up on trying to fix this. NOW of all times I''d HATE to be the last one to know if something has happened to my dad. This whole situation has put a lot of strain on my marriage (it feels like my husband and dad''s wife are communicating behind my back) as well as on the relationship I have with my dad.

Do I confront her... or do I just leave it at that and hope for the best?

Thanks for your time...

Warm regards
Ragdoll

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Is your dad well enough yet, to be told, gently, that she seems, for whatever reason, to be excluding you from the news, and making it difficult for you, and to ask him to either communicate directly with you, or to see to it that she does ? Dont start a squabble with her - at her age and after all these years, she wouldn't be capable of changing.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2012/05/28

I agree with Maria.
Obviously she has a problem with you, so out of respect for your dad, do not be nasty to her. Only as polite as is necesasary.
Phone your dad as often as you can and shower him with attention.
She is obviously jelous of you or she feels very inferior to you.
Cut her out. Dont make yourself unhappy worrying about her.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/26

Is your dad well enough yet, to be told, gently, that she seems, for whatever reason, to be excluding you from the news, and making it difficult for you, and to ask him to either communicate directly with you, or to see to it that she does ? Dont start a squabble with her - at her age and after all these years, she wouldn't be capable of changing.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Maria | 2012/05/25

This is a most unpleasant situation, but after 15 years she is unlikely to change. I suggest that you communicate directly with your dad as much as possible, get the other news from your husband, and just let it be. If you take her on she will just tell your dad how nasty you are being which will distress him.

Reply to Maria

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