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Question
Posted by: Sadness | 2010/01/14

my childhood

hey doc.
im a very unhappy soul.i dont know why all the past come back to me.and i start asking myself questions.my mom worked-|-a maid when i was still oyung.then i stayed with my aunt wh who had a small baby.so i could help with the baby after school while she was at work.i love kids.i was still in grade 2.my aunt usd to hit me for anything i did that she didnt like..i remember her hitting me that my shirt is dirty i should wash it myself..she would clap me id hit the walls with my head.my whole body woul be in pain and bruised.youd find that im even purple with colour.but no one saw that because id cover with clothes.sometimes id even have cuts showing that i was bbeaten.her husband came home late most of the time..when he was around she would lock the door hitting me so he cant open because he alwas told hher not to.there was a time whre i had a blue eye.starange no teacher ever asked.i dont remember..i used to play with my friend after school.that day i went to her place and her mom was there.she asked what happenned to my eye.i told her.she said i sould get my aunt arrested.i brushed it off.guess she didnt want to get to fmily matters..it continued until i was in grade 6 then i went to stay with my granny..i never told my mom or my dad.but my dad would always say i am so thin i dont look like i eat very well and he sends her money for food every month.but she had all the talking to do.they were convinced its my body and they trusted her.that she taked good care of me.i also made them believe..now thinking about it i just feel so sad.i dont know if it explains why i dont like her first born.we dont get along.i feel sorry for him thou.he is depressed coz her husband divorsed her.he was cheating and beating her up.now im thinking she was taking it all out on me..now she has 4kids and i dont see her treating them the way she was treatibng me.she talks to them if they are doing something wrong.and they are very good kids.now i wonder if me having such a hard time trusting peiople has anything to do with my childhood.and i find myself pushing away peoplle.because i am afraid.and im always thingking people dont like me.if they do like me i find a reason why they are not supposed to like me then i shut them out..my aunt and i were fine untill this thoughts triggered me.now i havent called her in forever.shes mad at me for that.my mom passed away in 2001 and my dad and i are not that close.i fell sad.as im typing my eyes are fillled with tears.thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hey S,
So sorry to hear about the sad and difficult life you hav led so far. And you raise also the important point of how so many people ignore the fact of child abuse and neglect, even when they see cleasr evidence of it.
It wouldn't be surprising that, after such a childhood, you might find it hard to trust people, and that these experiences have damaged your self-confidence and self-esteem - though counselling can help you regain an appropriate degree of trust.
Don't worry about the people who were bad to you, as they must live with the knowledge of what they did ( which they should not have done ) and what they did not do ( which they should have done ). What matters is to free yourself from the aftereffects of what they did to you, so you can ,ive a more free, confident and happy life, as you deserve to do.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/14

Hey S,
So sorry to hear about the sad and difficult life you hav led so far. And you raise also the important point of how so many people ignore the fact of child abuse and neglect, even when they see cleasr evidence of it.
It wouldn't be surprising that, after such a childhood, you might find it hard to trust people, and that these experiences have damaged your self-confidence and self-esteem - though counselling can help you regain an appropriate degree of trust.
Don't worry about the people who were bad to you, as they must live with the knowledge of what they did ( which they should not have done ) and what they did not do ( which they should have done ). What matters is to free yourself from the aftereffects of what they did to you, so you can ,ive a more free, confident and happy life, as you deserve to do.

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