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Question
Posted by: anon | 2011/03/08

My child and her family

I''ve had an on/off relationship with my childs father for the past 6 years. Since May last year we''ve been " ON"  and now again it seems that is " OFF" . We had a disagreement and now he wont talk to me for about 3 months. I know i am probably allowing him to do this to me by accepting him back everytime. When i tell him his childish he gets upset again and the calls will stop. This time i put my foot down and even changed my cell number because i want to end this cycle. The problem is however that whenever he is upset with me he stops talking to our child, ive spoken to him about this and he just wont grow up. When I need something for her I have to call his mom because he wont even take my calls from the office. The other problem is that my child is very close to her grandmother(his mom) who is also her only grandmother and she asks that I take her there - which i do. His mom and I are very close she''ll call me and i call her almost daily. I know that he feels he needs not call because he knows that his child is okay because his mom told him. I want to cut him out of our lives completely but know that my child will ask for her family. What do I do, i dont want to hurt my daughter as my family is in another city and we dont get to see them and his family is the only people around. I dont want to punish the mother for his issues but i really think that s omething should be done and it will have to start with me. Your advice will be appreciated on how i can handle this situation.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

yes, accepting back the unrepentent err-er encourages them to err again. He does indeed sound awfully childish, and of course, like all old children, he resents the very suggestion.
What is unforgiveable, though is for him to take out on the child, in any way, his petulance or difficulties with you. Thats hostage-taking, not parenting.
You can stop your relationship with him ( it doesn't sound as though he has a consistent of fruitful relationship with the child ) - but that's no reason to break the apparently pleasant relationship between the child and the grandmother.
I really don't see any necessary link. You an the child can continue to see his mother, and so what if she tells him the child is well ? It's about not allowing HIM to crawl back into your personal life.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/08

yes, accepting back the unrepentent err-er encourages them to err again. He does indeed sound awfully childish, and of course, like all old children, he resents the very suggestion.
What is unforgiveable, though is for him to take out on the child, in any way, his petulance or difficulties with you. Thats hostage-taking, not parenting.
You can stop your relationship with him ( it doesn't sound as though he has a consistent of fruitful relationship with the child ) - but that's no reason to break the apparently pleasant relationship between the child and the grandmother.
I really don't see any necessary link. You an the child can continue to see his mother, and so what if she tells him the child is well ? It's about not allowing HIM to crawl back into your personal life.

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