advertisement
Question
Posted by: candice | 2010/02/08

my boyfriend has cheated on me twice

i have just found out that my boyfriend of 3 years and the father of my 2 yr old has been in two sexual relationships within the 3 years we have been together.

he says he has a self esteem and confidence problem and says he does it without thinking of anyone and doesnt even experience any emotions or guilt when he does it.

he is begging me to take him back and give him a second chance. he says he wants to make things right and prove to me that he loves me and wants to be with me and only me.

i dont know what to do. i am so lost and have no trust left. everytime i look at him, i think of him with these other girls. im 26 and he' s 27.

please help me with what i should do.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Problems of self-esteem may be relevant, but they are NEVER an excuse for being selfish and cruel to other people, as he has been. With at least 2 episodes of cheating ( you dont't know whether there may have been more ) hasn't he used up his second chances ? He had his chance to be with "you and only you" and he blew it - what has actuall changed to enable him to keep this new promise ?
But don't let him evade his responsibility for paying maintenance for the child,which a court can decide and set the amount he then has to pay. Men like him have to learn that sex involves rresponsibilities, especially to the babies they so carelessly help to create, and that the child must be protected and helped, as the first priority

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

8
Our users say:
Posted by: Lucy | 2010/02/09

Even better if he has nothing once you leave him!
No wonder he dsnt want to end it with you because he has too much to lose (and no, one of those things is not you) it all the things that make his life easy that he is getting for free by you

Reply to Lucy
Posted by: Huh | 2010/02/08

Why is he STILL your boyfriend?

Reply to Huh
Posted by: To Joe Barber | 2010/02/08

I dont agree with your comment. Relationships are dysfunctional anyways. Women/men get married being virgins and then all esle fails anyway. We are all sinners whether you have sex before marriage or any lustfull thinking. Stop judging people in general because people like you are usually the ones who cannot handle lifes problems when it comes because of this metality. Thank you

Reply to To Joe Barber
Posted by: XXX | 2010/02/08

Cheating twice forms a pattern, so why should you trust him in the future.Also,what about your health risks.Why should his situation worry you if you get divorced,did he worry about you when he was bonking the other women !
For the sake of the children you might want to consider giving him another chance but clearly, with an extremely tight noose.
DON' T be used.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: candice | 2010/02/08

we are engaged. we have known eachother for 13 years. we dated in high school, and then he went overseas. the 3 years, is since he has been back from overseas, so its not like we hooked up, had a chilld irresponsibly and now im paying the price. our pregnancy was planned.

Reply to candice
Posted by: Joe barber | 2010/02/08

I know no one wants to hear this, but I' ll say it anyway: this is what happens when you have sex outside of marriage.Extra demerits because you had a child outside of marriage.

It' s much easier to leave a crappy relationship if there is no child that will suffer.

Reply to Joe barber
Posted by: candice | 2010/02/08

i threatened to leave him, i guess thats what made him say he apparently wants to make things right....

do you think he' s afraid to be alone? we live together. He has a part time job as a night manager at a hotel (which is where the cheating went on) and it was with an old high school friend. They got back in touch via facebook (which is the devil!!)

if i leave him, he will pretty much have no where to go, because his mom and his sister are immigrating in less than 3 months. his car also belongs to a family member of mine. so he will literally have nothing.

Reply to candice
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/08

Problems of self-esteem may be relevant, but they are NEVER an excuse for being selfish and cruel to other people, as he has been. With at least 2 episodes of cheating ( you dont't know whether there may have been more ) hasn't he used up his second chances ? He had his chance to be with "you and only you" and he blew it - what has actuall changed to enable him to keep this new promise ?
But don't let him evade his responsibility for paying maintenance for the child,which a court can decide and set the amount he then has to pay. Men like him have to learn that sex involves rresponsibilities, especially to the babies they so carelessly help to create, and that the child must be protected and helped, as the first priority

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement