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Question
Posted by: Tumi | 2011/06/17

My 13 year old son is always angry!

My son is 13 turning 14 in August. He is very quiet. He never talks to me or his dad. He always has his earphones on and always busy on his cell phone. He prefers to be home than anywhere else. I am worried about him. Every little comment makes him so angry. He would go to his bedroom and stay there. I am not sure what the problem could be. Please help.

Regards
Tumi

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi Tumi,

During early adolescence it is very common for young people to become quite insular, and in particular isolate themselves from their parents. It is part of the developmental process of beginning to think about who they are especially in relation to their family. Peers become the main focus, and often there is a feeling that friends understand more than adults. Many young adolescent boys also experience an upsurge of aggression which is partly linked to the hormonal changes and in particular the sharp rise in testosterone which is linked to aggression. The anger is also about dealing with the dramatic changes happening during the early teen years, and a frustration in how to manage this.

What can be helpful is not to insist on engagement, but to make it clear to your son that if there is anything bothering him that you are there for him and will help. This leaves the door open to communication, rather than insisting on it. The flip side of this is of course that as his parent you deserve to be respected, and that there are limits of acceptability in terms of his behaviour towards you. As the parent you still have the right to have boundaries, but that these will need to change over time, and become age appropriate as he develops.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Teen expert | 2011/06/22

Hi Tumi,

During early adolescence it is very common for young people to become quite insular, and in particular isolate themselves from their parents. It is part of the developmental process of beginning to think about who they are especially in relation to their family. Peers become the main focus, and often there is a feeling that friends understand more than adults. Many young adolescent boys also experience an upsurge of aggression which is partly linked to the hormonal changes and in particular the sharp rise in testosterone which is linked to aggression. The anger is also about dealing with the dramatic changes happening during the early teen years, and a frustration in how to manage this.

What can be helpful is not to insist on engagement, but to make it clear to your son that if there is anything bothering him that you are there for him and will help. This leaves the door open to communication, rather than insisting on it. The flip side of this is of course that as his parent you deserve to be respected, and that there are limits of acceptability in terms of his behaviour towards you. As the parent you still have the right to have boundaries, but that these will need to change over time, and become age appropriate as he develops.

Reply to Teen expert
Posted by: Wise | 2011/06/20

He is going through puberty. At this stage of becoming a teenager, his body is filling up with hormones which makes him moody. Relax. It''s just a time you don''t tell him what to do...He is a teen...He will get over it...And don''t take him seriously when he talks to you!!!! and don''t try to prove a point, because that will only lead him in to rebeliation.

Reply to Wise

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