Our expert says:
If this was a pregnancy by a new man in your life, one would more easily understand why your daughter who may have felt she had a right to an exclusive relationship with you, one she might be reluctant to share, might be bothered. But you say he has been in your loves since she was 2.
It is unusually severe for a child of any age to threaten suicide if her mother gets pregnant - surely you would have discussed with her that extreme and violent threat at the time - how did she explain feeling so violently opposed to the possibility of another child who would be so very much younger than her ?
She may react unpleasantly, especially at first, but it shouldn't HARM her to be told a basic fact of life. You're right that she has to be told, as soon it will become obvious, and then she would have the aded concern that she wasn't told.
This extremlity of response is so extreme, I would take her with you to see a child psychologist for a careful assesssment of her views and condition, and why she has this highly extreme reaction. The psychologist could also help yopu to break the news to her, AFTER having asssessed her, and to help deal with whatever consequences there might be.
She might be making the quite common assumption children ( and some adults ) make, that you must have only a small and finite amount of love, so ANY love given to a new child must necessarily reduce the amount available for her - and may need to learn that love is infinite, and you can give absolute love to her, forever, and to another child, too.
I also agree with laurie that it will be important to emphasize hoe she will be even more important and dear to you, as the protector of the new child, and to help you care for it ; and to involve her in such care.
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