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Question
Posted by: CP MOM | 2010/04/14

MR. CP MOM

Hi Cs

I was shocked to say the least to get a phone call from Mr. CP Mom after nearly 13 years....suddenly he is interested in Nê  and wants to meet " his adopted daughter" 

(I have had contact through the years with his mother and his 2nd wife) He had a child with wife 3 but when she died of lung cancer the child was taken away by welfare and given to foster care. He never pitched at court or for visitation, i have contact with the woman who is fostering him as she''s a friend of wife nr. 3 and contacted me to inform me of all this.

He is in JHB (lives in bloem) and is on a course (shit that must mean he''s got a job ?) what could i say? he wanted to come right over and I said NO, you can come tomorrow when G is home as it''s his " off"  afternoon from the shop.

I feel akward about this. I didnt sleep well and lots of things are turning over and over in my mind. What if he poisons g ? what of what if what if. My mother believes its not Nê  he is interested in.....

Love Me

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gosh, what a complex situation ! After 13 years ( you'd need to check with a lawyer ) I'd thinkany claims or rights he might imagine he has, would have lapsed, and of course he has no right to just suddenly turn up an expect an immediate visit.
When you say you dread him "poisoning" G, I assume you mean mind-poisoning by saying nasty things ? IF he tries that, he can simply be asked to leave immediately, and G who has known you for so long, especially if you prime him with information about this guy's past history with his wives, is unlikely to take any such nasty comments seriously.
And mom may well be right here - if he has shown so little interest in his own child, he's unlikely to have any genuine interest in an adopted child - maybe h just wants to snoop around and see how you're doing. Maybe arrange to meet him at a coffee-shop so as to reveal less.
But overall, I agree with Maria - why meet with him at all ? Why indulge his nosiness. Let him go and duik other dams !

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2010/04/14

Then why bother having this meeting that is bound to be awkward and serves no purpose?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: CP MOM | 2010/04/14

No he''s a drunkard, a gambler, a cheater and a ''damduiker" .

I WILL definately not be introducing him as " her father"  or " daddy'' or whatever like that. I always introduce a stranger to her by saying ''say hello to the man or the lady'' - she''ll probably never see him again.

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Maria | 2010/04/14

Is there any benefit for Nê  in having contact with her " father" ? That is in my opinion the only thing you need to consider.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/14

Gosh, what a complex situation ! After 13 years ( you'd need to check with a lawyer ) I'd thinkany claims or rights he might imagine he has, would have lapsed, and of course he has no right to just suddenly turn up an expect an immediate visit.
When you say you dread him "poisoning" G, I assume you mean mind-poisoning by saying nasty things ? IF he tries that, he can simply be asked to leave immediately, and G who has known you for so long, especially if you prime him with information about this guy's past history with his wives, is unlikely to take any such nasty comments seriously.
And mom may well be right here - if he has shown so little interest in his own child, he's unlikely to have any genuine interest in an adopted child - maybe h just wants to snoop around and see how you're doing. Maybe arrange to meet him at a coffee-shop so as to reveal less.
But overall, I agree with Maria - why meet with him at all ? Why indulge his nosiness. Let him go and duik other dams !

Reply to cybershrink

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