Posted by: Thabisile | 2012-11-13

moving too fast

hi everyone

i have a younger sister of 26, she is involved with a 37 old year man(they meet over the internet dating) whom she been dating on for a month,( he came to SA to meet face to face) she says they are so madly in love as she says, and now this man has told has asked her to move to London with him as he is working there for a 4year contract. She is a Manager doing well for herself currently but now she says she is willing to give it all up for this man and move to London as he promised to support her every needs financial.

I believe that she is rushing into things, they have not been dating that long. i fear that she is putting too much on the line too soon.

Am very worried about her future, i told her that am happy she found love but everything is moving so fast.

Am i just been too worried.

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Our expert says:
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One always needs to be especially cautious about people met over the internet, as you don't truly know anyhing about them. He is much older than her, and its awfully wearly for them to feel so sure that they are "madly in love" with each other. And when you say he has come from another country - are you all sure he isn't just eager to marry a South african so as to get citizenship or a permit to stay and do business here ?
She is indeed rushing into things - if things are as good as she seems to imagine, they won't get worse with waiting. She has a significant and important position in business right here, one that she earned on her own. If she chooses to give that up, it is definitely LOST, whereas whatever might come if she agrees to go with him is imaginary and merely promises. It might happen ; and it might not.
What she gives up, she has lost. What she hope to get might not come.
Why does she feel so desperate to rush into love and commitment ? Has she perhaps neglected that side of her life while furthering her career here, and imagines she can make up for lost time by plunging into this relationship ?
If he genuinely loves her, he would not push her to give up all she has and become totally reliant on him. NO good reason why he hould be in such a hurry. And as David says, the economic problems in UK and Europe are severe and will be for some years, so opportunities for her will be very limited.

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Our users say:
Posted by: David | 2012-11-13

brother came back from UK. Economic crisis is very bad, not worth being there right now. She needs to understand this. But of course the starry-eye romance bit will preventing her fromn seeing the sense of it.

Reply to David
Posted by: sandy | 2012-11-13

yoo, i feel you girl, i was in the same position last year i left it all , my flat, my car, work and my studies.

i was taken by love in 2 months. he promised to carry on paying for my car and my studies but little did we know that we will have problem in the 3rd month and he send me packing back home. So i was without a job for couple of months crying all the time to my friends and family even through they told me am moving too fast.

but i had no-one to blame but myself for thinking with heart not the head, i really hope your sister can think things through before she rush into anything. Hope my mistakes and downfalls wont happen to her.

is till painfull to think of all that even today, i was paying for my own stupid decisions.

if this man loves her, why can he wait for her since he is coming back after some years, which is what i should have done

Reply to sandy

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