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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/10/13

Moving on: kzn

my partner passed on two yrs ago in an accident in Kzn.Have not been dating but feels very lonely.Am not sure if its too soon now.We had a friend who lost a partner due to cancer.we know each other since were family friends. The guy has asked that we go out together.I feel i would be cheating my partner if I go out with his friend now.His reasons are that at least we know each other, He told me that prior to our partners sudden departures he never saw me in that light for i asked.we both have children.What will the relationship do the children, what about poeple &  family.they''ll think we had been together before losing our partners.What if it doesn''t work, it might destroy the kids.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It may be worth exploring these concerns with a counsellor with some experience of grief. After 2 years, do you really think your late partner would feel cheated if you went out socially with your mutual friend ? I don't see why such a relationship would bother the children, or family, and the opinions off ignorant other people are hardly relevant. If there had been anything improper going on between the pair of you before you each lost a partner, nobody would expect you to wait so long before meeeting up again.
And there's no reason at all why the kids would be "destroyed" ( fortunately, kids are fortunately more resilient and less easily "destroyed" than we imagine. Obviously, you two would presumably proceed slowly and with some grace, and not lead the kids towards unrealistic expectations.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Deleen | 2010/10/13

I think u are scared to move on. If he never made advances before and now gave u his word that he never had eyes for u is a good start. if the feeling is mutual, give the relationship a chance, move slowly until you know each other. U need not worry about kids and everyone now but about u''reself. Good luck

Reply to Deleen
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/13

It may be worth exploring these concerns with a counsellor with some experience of grief. After 2 years, do you really think your late partner would feel cheated if you went out socially with your mutual friend ? I don't see why such a relationship would bother the children, or family, and the opinions off ignorant other people are hardly relevant. If there had been anything improper going on between the pair of you before you each lost a partner, nobody would expect you to wait so long before meeeting up again.
And there's no reason at all why the kids would be "destroyed" ( fortunately, kids are fortunately more resilient and less easily "destroyed" than we imagine. Obviously, you two would presumably proceed slowly and with some grace, and not lead the kids towards unrealistic expectations.

Reply to cybershrink

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