Our expert says:
dont't think there are concrete rules to guide us here. Kids are resilient a this age, and wil,respond partyl to the situation itself, and partly according to how you react to it. She's not likely to be psychologically damaged if you both take it calmly. Work out what sort of time of access will be practical for him to keep up, and explain that you will be living separately for now, but that you both love her and he will be seeing her X amount of time, and treat this as being reasonable and not any Big Deal. If he is aggressive towards you, this could be alarming for her, and if he is calmer and loving towards her when you are sepaate, this may be more suitable for her. Striving for an exact 50 % split of time can be too mechanical, as well as hard to keep up. Kids don't appreciate major changes in routine, so rather switch to one that you can both comfortably maintain.
SHe will probably settle in fine to a new place as it will be with you, and with at least some of her usual favourite toys and furniture if possible. Don't feel guilty about this --- that in itself could be more bothersome to her than the move itself.
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