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Question
Posted by: Tanilani | 2010/02/09

Mother negative

Hi CS
I once posted about my husband being negative, but since that posting we got divorced and I moved on. Currently I am in a similar position with my mother of 74, firstly interfering with my handling of the two kids, and secondly being totally negative about every thing and every body. Me and my daughter discussed the issue of my daughter getting a puppy, but she first have to show me she can handle responsibility by for instance making sure her school bag is packed and ready for the next day before she goes to bed, for at least a month(she is 9). When my mom heard about this, her first reaction was :No! absolutely not! who is going to look after the dog? It doesn' t matter that I tell her my daughter will, she insists my daughter will only do it for two days and then it will be my responsibility. I just said, well, I would also like to have a dog since my ex is not here anymore to scream and shout at them, so I won' t mind. When my daughter was exited because I got her a guitar, immediately my mom was up in arms - how is she going to tune it? I' ll get a tuner, and we have a keyboard in the house that can be used. Oh. But who is going to teach her? I will, I can play guitar, and there are many people out there that gives classes as well when my resources are finished.
It is my house, yes, and my mom does not want to move to an old age home again, she feels she is too young. She was in one for about three months, and the avarage age there was about 80 and older. She also do not have anywhere else to stay permanently, she does visit my cousin and my brother once in a while for a week or two, but that is it. My question is how do I get my mom to be a bit more positve about life in general? I sometimes get the impression that she projects her hatred towards my ex onto my daughter. I have spoken to my mom a few times already, then it goes well for about two days, then I remind her about the conversation and it goes well for another few days, and eventually we are back where we started. It is getting to a stage where my children prefer to be elsewhere rather than at home where my mom is present. Please help!?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have you read my other posting on a similar issue, yesterday, I think ? About the similar guy we appointed our Official Creative Problem-Finder - with the additional task of finding potential solutions to every possible problem he identified ? Does she ever see herself as pasrt o any solution, such as helping to care for a pet ?
With older folks, one of their problems in life can be feeling totally redundant - having wisdom and experience that nobody knows about or uses or asks for. So finding a role for her as an advisor, even on things where you pretty well know what to do, can help.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/09

Have you read my other posting on a similar issue, yesterday, I think ? About the similar guy we appointed our Official Creative Problem-Finder - with the additional task of finding potential solutions to every possible problem he identified ? Does she ever see herself as pasrt o any solution, such as helping to care for a pet ?
With older folks, one of their problems in life can be feeling totally redundant - having wisdom and experience that nobody knows about or uses or asks for. So finding a role for her as an advisor, even on things where you pretty well know what to do, can help.

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