Our expert says:
Panela raises some very relevant points.
Some pe ople, maybe your husband's mom, have muddled ideas about the relevance of age differences, etc ; though I can't remember eharing of a mother objecting because her daughter-in-law DIDN'T drink !
It sounds as though he remains married to his mother, primarily, and has not sufficiently distanced himself from her to be able to enter genuinely into a marriage. And of course her doing his books does get her intimately involved in his business and his life, though he might be right that there are definsible financial reasons for accepting this. But this doesn't mean that he should allow her to interfere in the marriage.
While he may feel mixed loyalties to the two main women in his life, he needs to be more active in defending you, and in making it clear to her that he will not accept her quarrelling with you or insulting you.
Maybe he has never learned to, or dared to, stand up to her, even in defense of himself.
Why not press him to agree to join you in marriage counselling, to sort things out between you with some direct expert help ?
He sounds clumsy, such as ignoring what you said you wanted for your birthday, while arranging what you specifically didnt want.
When in such a situation other people ask you what's wrong with your parents-in-law, tell them pleasantly to ask your husband as you don't know.
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