advertisement
Question
Posted by: UNHAPPY | 2012/07/27

MOTHER IN LAW PROBLEMS

Hi Doc,

I am married now for 16 years. I am older than my husband and is a plain normal girl. My husbands mother was not very happy with me and my husbands relationship, because I am older than him and I am not drinking and she thinks she is better than anybody else. Most of me and my husbands fights is about her. She is doing my husbands business books and know about everthing of our personal stuff. He dont want me to do the books. He always say that he cannot surwife without my salary and I cannot work and also do his books. His mother is doing it for free, which I can understand. The point is, she is insallting me always when we are alone and when I speek to my husband about it, he said that he cannot do anything, because he was not there. He always take her way of a case. He said he loves me very much, but why is it that he cannot stand up for me? Last night we had a fight and he said to me but I am the problem. I did not come at his mothers place anymore. I did not phone her anymore. I feel betrayed and rejected. What can I do that he can see how I am feeling. Our sex life is not the same anymore, because I am feeling rejected and cross with him. How can he say something to me like that if he told me that he loves me. What must I do? Our friends starting to notice it. I asked him that I want to go away for my 50th birthday, that was a desarster. He did the opposite, envite the people to my house which I did not want to do. As I expected (mother and father in law) was sitting with cross faces and speek to nobody. Everyone was asking me what was it with them? So, I am feeling very rejected. I need some info please?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Panela raises some very relevant points.
Some pe ople, maybe your husband's mom, have muddled ideas about the relevance of age differences, etc ; though I can't remember eharing of a mother objecting because her daughter-in-law DIDN'T drink !
It sounds as though he remains married to his mother, primarily, and has not sufficiently distanced himself from her to be able to enter genuinely into a marriage. And of course her doing his books does get her intimately involved in his business and his life, though he might be right that there are definsible financial reasons for accepting this. But this doesn't mean that he should allow her to interfere in the marriage.
While he may feel mixed loyalties to the two main women in his life, he needs to be more active in defending you, and in making it clear to her that he will not accept her quarrelling with you or insulting you.
Maybe he has never learned to, or dared to, stand up to her, even in defense of himself.
Why not press him to agree to join you in marriage counselling, to sort things out between you with some direct expert help ?
He sounds clumsy, such as ignoring what you said you wanted for your birthday, while arranging what you specifically didnt want.
When in such a situation other people ask you what's wrong with your parents-in-law, tell them pleasantly to ask your husband as you don't know.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/28

Panela raises some very relevant points.
Some pe ople, maybe your husband's mom, have muddled ideas about the relevance of age differences, etc ; though I can't remember eharing of a mother objecting because her daughter-in-law DIDN'T drink !
It sounds as though he remains married to his mother, primarily, and has not sufficiently distanced himself from her to be able to enter genuinely into a marriage. And of course her doing his books does get her intimately involved in his business and his life, though he might be right that there are definsible financial reasons for accepting this. But this doesn't mean that he should allow her to interfere in the marriage.
While he may feel mixed loyalties to the two main women in his life, he needs to be more active in defending you, and in making it clear to her that he will not accept her quarrelling with you or insulting you.
Maybe he has never learned to, or dared to, stand up to her, even in defense of himself.
Why not press him to agree to join you in marriage counselling, to sort things out between you with some direct expert help ?
He sounds clumsy, such as ignoring what you said you wanted for your birthday, while arranging what you specifically didnt want.
When in such a situation other people ask you what's wrong with your parents-in-law, tell them pleasantly to ask your husband as you don't know.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Pamela | 2012/07/27

Just 3 questions:-
Are your in-laws a partner in, or a shareholder of, your husband''s business?
Are you married in or out of community of property?
Do you have children?



Reply to Pamela

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement