Our expert says:
Of course one feels some sense of obligation towads relatives who have fallen on hard times through no fault of their own. But when they have brought their problems on themselves, over many years of waste and self-indulgence, it is understandable if one wishes NOT to support them, especially not in any continuation of their former bad behaviours.
From your description, your little family needs all you can earn to look after yourselves, and not to support her addictive behaviours such as her smoking, which she could give up if she couldn't rely on someone else to pay for her habit. Meanwhile, let her choose between smoking and food --- shes a adult and must assume adult responsibilities and choices --- she has no right to expect you to deprive yourselves or your child for the sake of her bad habits.
But it's the psychopathic sense of entitlement, DEMANDING money and expecting that she SHOULD receive it, rather than asking and hoping, that would be especally offensive. It is right that you can only truly help people who can and will help themselves. She is still young enough to get work, if she is not too lazy to bother to do so.
Discuss this with your partner, emphasizing your joint responsibility towards your child which by a million miles outweighs your responsibilities towards this wasteful, selfish and lazy woman. Try to reach a joint decision and then calmly tell the MIL that you together want nothing more to do with her until SHE puts her life together, get's a job and supports herself properly, until she can contribnute towards family life rather than being a useless drain on it. And start by telling her that no amount of shouting or performing on her side will change your minds, and that if she makes a nuisance of herself you will ask the police to remove her and get a court interdict to forbid her from approaching any of you again.
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