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Question
Posted by: Amelia | 2011/12/14

Mother-in-law

Good day

I wrote a letter in Afrikaans regarding my problem, it''s 5 pages long, where can I send this to, I do not want to post it due to the size of it. Please be so kind to let me know.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Amelia. Unfortunately there is not way we can respond to written messages, nor to any, however delivered, that are 5 pages long ! Writing it will presumably have, in itself, been helpful to you. What I suggest, especialy as the problem is apparently at least 5 pages worth of complicated, is that you arrenge to see a counsellor, and give him / her a copy of the letter in advance, to help the counselling process.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bron | 2011/12/19

MIL''s can cause so much damage, and the stupid fools dont realise that they are hurting the person they love the most: their own flesh and blood. Your husband should talk to her in a no-nonsense manner to try and make the situtation a bit more bearable. I wrote mine off years after trying to fit it, make her happy, get her approval etc. She gossipped, made trouble said ugly things about my kids (her grandkids) and caused division. My husband stayed away for years, and cried silently when she died. Worst thing is she had a team of sisters who sat and gossipped with her thereby justifiying her behaviour to the families. NOwadays, her youngest daughter and apple of her eye is 27 years old, and is being supported by us the " black sheep"  as the daughter is turining into a clone of her mother and nobody likes her or wants her. We are her only lifeline and also support her baby as the boyfriend got to know her and ran away as far as he could. Ironic isn''t it? My mother always said be careful how you treat people coz the road ahead is very long and you dont know what is in store. The people whose toes you step on, could very well be the people who put food in your mouth one day ( in this case, it is her beloved daughter whom is left behind)

Reply to Bron
Posted by: Roomy | 2011/12/15

She sounds like my mother in law.. you are not alone. My skin actually crawls when I read your post !!!

Reply to Roomy
Posted by: Queen | 2011/12/15

If you can''t change the situation, you accept it. If there is really nothing you can do about her, then you need to to accept her bad behavior as part of her personality. Trust me, as soon as you accept it and tell your self than you can''t change her, you will feel like a load has been removed from your shoulders. She will also notice that you have changed. Your mind will be less stressed and you will feel better about life in general...

Reply to Queen
Posted by: Ricky | 2011/12/15

She sounds like a monster in law ....

Reply to Ricky
Posted by: Amelia | 2011/12/14

Ok, thanks, it''s difficult to go to a counsellor at this stage, let me give you a small Idea, and by the way, my husband supports me fully, but we don''t have money to put her in an old age home and he is the only child. His mother was married and divorced 3 times. I tried for 8 years to bond, but this is not working. She is 62 and if she went for an interview for work she wants to tell them how business should be. My children is being verbally abused by her and I told her a week ago that when I see her I am allready irretated. She came to live with us 8 years ago and is a real witch. Everything must be done for her, her food must be taken to her in her flat, when we dish up she dissapears. She has only a state income and money that adds up to R 1500 per month. She does not pay any rent, water or for food. But she wants everything. I am totally frustrated with her and she is always right.She has only 1 child and did not even attend our wedding, she only buys cigarettes and wine with her money and has one credit account. If you tell her she must leave, she wants you to pay for it. Her own sisters and brother does not want her. She has no friends. My husband only cares for her due to her being his mother. She even cause problems between myself and my cleaner, the cleaner eventually resigned. Please help me, my health is worsening over this. I have fibromyalgia and the stress is not good.

Reply to Amelia
Posted by: DESEAN | 2011/12/14

you there is one thing about mother in laws. with them is either you take it or leave it .i don''t want to know what msg you wrote on that 5pages but all i can say play by her game . if there is any one to blame for the whole thing is your husband he is allowing this. if he loves you enough he will make an endto this. to win your husband''s heart you have to win the his mother''s first. no matter what you do or say they can never be wished away unless you divorce your husband. good luck

Reply to DESEAN
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/12/14

Hi Amelia. Unfortunately there is not way we can respond to written messages, nor to any, however delivered, that are 5 pages long ! Writing it will presumably have, in itself, been helpful to you. What I suggest, especialy as the problem is apparently at least 5 pages worth of complicated, is that you arrenge to see a counsellor, and give him / her a copy of the letter in advance, to help the counselling process.

Reply to cybershrink

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