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Posted by: cassie | 2011/05/06

mother in law

hi....i don''t know what to do about my mother in law anymore. since me and my boyfriend bought a house together my boyfriend''s mother attitude towards me has changed a lot. it started with me buying furniture for our house which was second hand coz we could not afford anything expensive and she didn''t like the idea at all. she was constantly telling us what to do first and how to do things which i did not like at all! we are both adults and can make our own decisions i did not appreciate her interfering as it was not her house and not her place to tell us what to do in our house. she then started treating me very differently not talking to me asking back all the her things that she told us we could use when before she didn''t bother or hardly ever used the stuff. i then told my boyfriend how i felt and that i don''t feel that his mother has any say in our house. we had a huge argument which almost led us to brake up. he doesn''t see all these things and defended his mother. after that argument i decided to rather keep things to myself when it comes to his mother and try to get along with her as we are planning on getting married and this woman is going to be a part of our lives for the rest of our lives. but i''m getting nothing from her side she still treats me this way and i don''t even feel like going there anymore because she pretend to be fine with me infront of my boyfriend so that he can''t pick up how she really feels but i know she doesn''t like me anymore. we''ve never been that close but we got along very well untill the move. i feel like giving up on trying to make amends coz it seems like she is just not going to budge. what am i to do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its YOUR house, and you can do what you like to it and in it. If she thinks you should have nicer or better furniture, she can offer to buy some for you - but its simply really bad manners to criticise you for buying what you can afford.
Maybe her intentions are good. Try to focus her energies on things you need, and maybe ask her advice on things which don't matter much to you. As to furniture, discuss it with her, point out your very limited budget, and ask her advice on how to find the nicest stuff at prices you can afford.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sugar | 2011/05/09

This seems to be a common problem, except mine is my father out law. He has told me to eff off more times than I can remember and threatened me with his gun just as many times. Like Laura we have to support this imbecile and this is the thanks we get... So if you break up with the oke, you will probably get another crazy monster in law, so I think do as Romany says and turn the other cheek. To take a line from Survivor, you have to Outwit, Outlast and Outplay these people. I wish you all the best.

Reply to Sugar
Posted by: Romany | 2011/05/09

I have the same problem. Mother in law is horrible with me and have always been. Ever since I met her favourite son and even more when I married him.
She always talks to the other family behind my back about me and I cannot do anything good in her eyes.
For many years I have chosen to ignore her attitute and have, so to speak, turned the other cheek.
Although it takes a lot of self-control it has always worked for me. My husband is gratefull for the way I handle her and her nastyness has become water off a duck''s back for me.
It is truly the only way.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Laura | 2011/05/08

I had a rude, miserable and grumpy mother in law for 18 years. I was nice, accomodating, humble, turned the other cheek etc. which was a complete waste of time and energy.. The old bag continued to gossip about me and my family, creating huge barriers, causing friction and disharmony. She died 7 years ago and guess whose having to fork out money to assist the in-law sisters who gossiped with their mother? My hubby and I !!
Its not always worth it to be nice and act. Sometimes best to cut ties coz the family can do more damage than good. Good luck!

Reply to Laura
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/07

Its YOUR house, and you can do what you like to it and in it. If she thinks you should have nicer or better furniture, she can offer to buy some for you - but its simply really bad manners to criticise you for buying what you can afford.
Maybe her intentions are good. Try to focus her energies on things you need, and maybe ask her advice on things which don't matter much to you. As to furniture, discuss it with her, point out your very limited budget, and ask her advice on how to find the nicest stuff at prices you can afford.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/06

First stop enjoying the drama and making mountains out of mole hills.
Fake getting along with her,always be civally pleasant with her and dont expect anything from her.
Thousands of women have been doing this for thousands of years and it works.

Reply to Truth

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