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Question
Posted by: Michaela@ CS | 2011/02/22

Mother in law

She does have a husband, and another son who does not live with her and her husband. She does a lot for the other son, actually she favours him, he doesnt mind because he is not married and has children, I think if he did, he would experience the same thing that myself and husband are.

She does not like her husbands family but asks them for things! She is a very strange person... I dont want them to have a bad relationship because she is childish and wants to do her own thing, she will go to other people to tell them her son put her out of his house or something dramatic like that! even if he didnt...

She does not appreciate life and what she has. She told us that she doesnt care about us but only for the child. She will phone him to ask if he did homework or if he has food to eat!!!! not all the time, but its offensive to me because I look after my family, how can she ask if he ate or has food.,... not even a question to ask someone. We dont let him spend as much time with her anymore because she tells him to keep things away from his dad.

We look after him just fine, he gets a very good education, he is my son I treat him that way, I make sure he is healthy and so does my husband, he is a very good father, but she does not see that. She wants to do her own thing. Scarey...what about when we have our own kids !!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

She has NO POWER except for what the pair of you choose to give her. Maybe it's not surprising that people dont't want to live with her. Don't let her blackmail you into fearing that she may say something unpleasant to other people if she's put in her place - she's probably saying unpleasant things already. Keep changing your son's cell number so she cannot call him on her own - that's not appropriate ! What you are describing is effectively child abuse, by her, a very selfish woman.

Sounds like the cancer is the least malignant part of her FIL's comment is exactly right. But maybe she's chosing to obsess about this child rather than pay appropriate attention to her own health.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/02/22

I agree with MIL. Make a decision together about this, stand together and do not allow her to do this to you.
He is your husband firstly and secondly the father to his children and thirdly her son.
Who cares if she says " unpleasant"  things?
Respect earns respect....

Reply to Romany
Posted by: FIL | 2011/02/22

Cancer doesnt make you a better person. You are the same person but with an illness. Do not let the cancer get in the way of setting boundaries.

Reply to FIL
Posted by: MIL | 2011/02/22

Your mother in law can only be a problem if you let her.
You and hubby must collectively set the ground rules - put your foot down.

Reply to MIL
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/22

She has NO POWER except for what the pair of you choose to give her. Maybe it's not surprising that people dont't want to live with her. Don't let her blackmail you into fearing that she may say something unpleasant to other people if she's put in her place - she's probably saying unpleasant things already. Keep changing your son's cell number so she cannot call him on her own - that's not appropriate ! What you are describing is effectively child abuse, by her, a very selfish woman.

Sounds like the cancer is the least malignant part of her FIL's comment is exactly right. But maybe she's chosing to obsess about this child rather than pay appropriate attention to her own health.

Reply to cybershrink

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