Posted by: Lisa | 2009-01-25

Mother in Law

I' m sitting here with my hands in my head! I' ve been married just over a year now, lovely husband but since a month after we' ve got married - the bomb exploded - my father in law has an affair with another woman, and my mother in law is coming to stay with us for a few weeks. Things went from bad to worse, as she' s a very unstable woman, have tried to commit suicide twice during that time, by drinking lots of tablets (but also telling us that so we can take her to hosp in time - thus only looking for attention). It' s been a year now and the divorce is still dragging. my poor husband is now the father to his mom and sister who are helpless and rely on him so much. I feel i' m his second priority most of the time, and all our money are spent on her hosp bills etc. Yesterday morning we were woken up by a phone call - she tried to commit suicide AGAIN - this time the 5th time, and i' m getting sick of this routine. My husband shared my feelings, but when he returned from hospital - he sang another tune - he spoke to a doctor who convinced him she has depression which is an illness, thus she can' t help herself - she is sick - full stop.
My question is - HOW must I handle this - my husband and i have not once since we' ve been married - had a normal relationship, as my husband is constantly stressed and worried about his family, they also come and visit so often and rely on us so much. We all get along and I really try to be a good daughter in law - but i' m sooo scared that this will have a bad influence on my r/ship with my husband - please advise! :(

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Our expert says:
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She shouldn't be ABLE to drink l;ots of tablets, unless some carelsss doctors are providing her with lots of tablets she needs. If she is suddenly deeply upset by the discovery of her husband's infidelity, CBT counselling would help, but this suddent and appropriate ( if excessive ) sadness is NOT depression, and does not respond to antidepressant emds nor sedative tranquillizers. You're right that your husband's family should not rely on you two so much, you have your own lives to lead, and they should see therapists and shrinks of their own to work out their own problems, rather than burdening you with them. It does not actually help her for others to take the responsibnuility that she should take, to see to her problems with the appropriate expert help

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bron | 2009-01-26

My mother in law is the opposite. She won' t stop " helping"  with things that didn' t need helping to begin with. She always interfears and wants to do everything in my house. She' ll come to my house when I' m not there (at work etc) - with my husband opening up for her, and rearanges my kitchen because she thought she' d help me as I work such long hours. She' d start supper because she knows how hard I work. She even washes my washing - I mean really, my panties etc!?! I feel so uncomfortable with her butting in everywhere. When I confront my husband he tells me his mother is only trying to help me and make my life easier, and that I should be greatfull.
I want the woman to just go away. She makes me feel like a failure of a wife, incompetent and stupid.

Reply to Bron
Posted by: Eve | 2009-01-26

I agree with Sandy. She can see that what she is doing is getting all his attention and that is why it is happening all the time. I do understand that what she is going through must be very tough but I also would expect her to have respect for your marriage. Sitting your husband down is a good thing but remember tomorrow the same thing happens again and then he would forget everything you spoke about. Have a mother-in-law too and am married for 4 years. Spoke to him many times regarding her way of hurting my feelings but just 1 minute with her again then he thinks Im the crazy one. Good luck!!

Reply to Eve
Posted by: Sandy | 2009-01-26

No way can you build your marraige on this crap!
She is so self absorbed in her own rubbish, that she doesn' t realise what she' s doing to the people around her.
I would suggest you sit down with your husband and speak to him about it all, and how it' s making you feel.
Tell him that you DO have sympathy, and that you would like to be a good daughter in law, but that your sympathy is slowly dissappearing.
Mabe he can talk to his mother about it once the two of you had a serious talk.
Its fair an well supporting your mother, but neglecting your brand new marraige to run after a sympathy seeking self destructive mother.
Talk to him and explain yourself properly.

Reply to Sandy
Posted by: Anon | 2009-01-26

She is probably depressed, and with the correct medication, she could feel alot better.
I think she needs to go on medication.If you can afford it, set her and her daughter up in a little flat. So that you can get on with your life

Reply to Anon

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