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Question
Posted by: jinx | 2012/01/10

MOTHER

My mom is almost 80yrs old and currently lives with my brother and his mother in law, wife and a young child...needless to say its chaotic. My mother does not speak Eng or Afrik, so the communication is a bit of a problem. My mom is not your typical 80year old, she does her own thing still. I would like to bring her to live with me. My brother is against the idea and my husband likes the idea, but thinks about the financial side.... My mom''s current living conditions are not ideal, the mother in law is in her 60''s and treats my mother like the maid, my mom does everything while she lies in bed till midday..... Please any comments.....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Like Liza, I'm wondering what this still active 80-year-pld thinks and would like. Discuss it with her.
I also like Liza's point about needing to understand your brother's motivations in objecting - is she useful to them as a live-in maid, baby-sitter, etc ?
Money issues and costs need to be clarified, anyway, as they so often lead to bitter squabbles

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Our users say:
Posted by: JINX | 2012/01/10

My mom needs some peace and quiet, since she''s been living with my brother, her blood pressure is up, and I don''t like the way she is being treated by the mother in law as well as my brother. He definitely seems like he does not want to lose his live in maid. For example, his clothes don''t get washed by the wife, its my mom that does it... So I was thinking perhaps to have my mom live with us for two weeks and she stays there for a week...... Another thing that worries me is that the way my brother talks to my mom and also the way that he talks to the mother in law....the mother in law is real nasty, so I suppose she deserves to be treated the way she is treated... The wife does not seem to be perturbed about it all.... My mom does all the cooking during the week, so when my brother and the wife get home, the food is on the table, and when dinner is served, the mother in law picks out what she does not eat, and is very finicky and then goes to church and is very religious... but likes to gossip about my mother to the neighbour, implying that my mother does nothing, which I happened to overhear.. Financially we just got out of a huge loss and my husband suggests that my mother must just hang on. My concern is that if something happens to her in that house, that I could not save her from that hell hole......

Reply to JINX
Posted by: Liza | 2012/01/10

I''m sure that an independent 80 year old can make her own decision regarding this. Does she want to live with you? Or does she want to stay with your brother?

Why is your brother so against the idea? Iis it because he thinks that her living conditions are better with him? Or is it because he doesn''t want to lose his live-in maid?

Make sure that you and your husband can afford to let her stay with you. Nothing breaks up a relationship faster than money issues.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/01/10

Like Liza, I'm wondering what this still active 80-year-pld thinks and would like. Discuss it with her.
I also like Liza's point about needing to understand your brother's motivations in objecting - is she useful to them as a live-in maid, baby-sitter, etc ?
Money issues and costs need to be clarified, anyway, as they so often lead to bitter squabbles

Reply to cybershrink

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